As a working mom (inside or outside of the home), there is always so much to do. It seems like all of the routine, daily things you need to do take up so much time that you can’t even think about adding one more thing to the list. Then you see other moms who seem to have everything — they’re fit, their houses are perfect, their marriages and children are ideal, they work 60 hours a week, and they have a creative side job. This is when we really feel overwhelmed and like we are not measuring up, we are failing everyone we love, and the beat goes on.
Stop. Just stop.
First of all, no one gets everything done. People that seem to have it all together on the outside are sometimes looking at you or others and envying your lifestyle. Everyone has feelings of not being enough or not doing enough.
The trick is how to overcome those feelings of being overwhelmed and move on.
Remember the story of Mary and Martha in the Bible? The short version is that they were sisters and were hosting Jesus (the Son of God — no pressure there) in their home for dinner. So Martha is busy and getting what must have been a fancy dinner prepared while Mary is sitting at Jesus’ feet and listening to him. Martha fusses about this and asks Jesus to tell Mary to come and help her. He gently tells Martha to calm down and that Mary has chosen what is most important. The “Martha” in me is sympathetic. When we invite people into our home for a meal, we want everything to be perfect, or nearly so, and we often fuss over the meal when something simple and easy to prepare would be just as good. The “Mary” in me would like to just sit and talk to Jesus and hear his words, but people are depending on me to cook dinner, drive carpool, walk the dog, etc. etc. So how do we reconcile both of those roles?
1 – First — avoid social media for at least one day. When you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed and like you are not enough and not doing enough, seeing others’ social media posts (their “highlight reel”) is just going to make you feel worse. You might think that scrolling through social media is relaxing and enjoyable, and many times it probably is just that. But not when you’re feeling unproductive and overwhelmed.
2 – Next, grab a legal pad or any paper you can find and make a list of everything you do in one day. Seriously. Write it all down. This may take you a full day or days if you need to do it in bits and pieces of time, and that is fine. The point here is to see ALL of the things that you are actually doing for yourself and your family. Include everything. This is a private list. It is for your eyes only, so don’t censor yourself. Just write down whatever comes to mind.
3 – When you’re done, sit back and admire that amazing list. You are probably doing much more than you realize, so appreciate that fact. You might even put a star beside the tasks that you are doing especially well. This list is just for you, remember, so be proud! Of course, if you are just dying to share your list, go right ahead!
4 – When you’re finished being amazed, look at the list and see what, if anything, can be eliminated from the list. Do you really have to do everything? Are there ways to outsource some of your tasks?
5 – After eliminating what you can see what tasks on the list could be streamlined or combined in some way. For instance, would it be easier to do dinner prep on one or two days and have meals ready to bake or cook? Would it be better to “batch” your tasks and do them at one time instead of doing some daily? For instance, errands are sometimes easier to combine into one day rather than making a trip daily. Sometimes it’s easier to vacuum thoroughly on one or two days rather than haul the vacuum cleaner out daily or every other day. You decide, based on your home, your family and your time demands. But look for ways that you could be a bit more efficient with some of those tasks.
6 – Now look at how you might be able to simplify some tasks. Yes, we need to think about what to serve for dinner every night (like Martha), and yes, it should be healthy and taste good but no one said it needs to be a four-course gourmet dinner. If you are making a favorite main course dinner (we’ll use spaghetti as an example), how could you simplify the side dishes? Could you serve a bagged salad instead of making a salad yourself? Could you serve a frozen bread instead of making the bread yourself? How about dessert? Do you really even need that? Maybe it would be better to have one favorite dessert after dinner one night a week. Again, you decide — based on your family and your own time demands. Simpler meals are often a good place to start.
7 – Now it’s time to get the stuff you need or want to do out of your head and onto the page of what needs to be done. Write down everything, even simple things like “empty the dishwasher”.
8 – Categorize your list by time. I use a simple A-B-C system. “A” tasks are things that are most urgent to do today. “B” tasks are important and should be done this week. “C” tasks would be good to do but are not necessarily urgent. It’s important to not have too many “A” tasks on the list. Try to keep that limited to two or three tasks for the day.
9 – Of all the tasks on your list of need to do/want to do, what will give you the biggest results? What will make you feel the most “accomplished” when the task is done or when the goal is achieved? For example, if you are thinking about homeschooling your kids, what are the tasks you need to do in order to make a decision about that? If you are trying to lose ten pounds, what are the tasks that will move you closer to that goal? Choose just one or two of these “I’ll feel accomplished when . . .” tasks to focus on first. When those habits are part of your routine or when that goal/task is accomplished, then add something else. Too many of these tasks (like too many “A” tasks on your list) prevents you from getting anything done. Simplify and focus.
10 – When it comes to the tasks that you need to do and may not want to do — set a timer and just start. Set the timer for whatever time works for you, but I find that I can talk myself into doing anything for 15 minutes. I usually find that, once I’ve started, the task itself is not that bad. I either continue with the task (if my schedule allows) or schedule time for the next day. But either way, you have momentum for continuing once you have gotten the project started.
11 – Take baby steps. It’s better to spend 5 minutes and get a project or task started than to do nothing at all. Doing nothing just adds to your overwhelm because you can’t foresee a time when you will be able to attack the whole thing. Baby steps get you there too.
12 – Think about your own self-care.You knew I would be throwing that in, right?! In all these lists you’re making, look for ways you could be good to yourself and take care of you.
The top self-care activities you need to be make time for daily include:
*eating healthy food. Aim for 8 – 10 servings of fruit and vegetables daily along with drinking half your bodyweight in ounces of water Doing just those two tasks will make a big difference!
*daily movement. This does not necessarily mean going to the gym. Walking and doing some yoga poses count too. Just find something you love and do it daily.
*getting more sleep. This might mean going to bed earlier or taking a nap in the afternoon. Whatever helps you to get that magical 6 – 8 hours of sleep.
*daily reading. Take just a few minutes to read something that inspires you or helps you in some way.
*connect with someone you love daily., It might mean having a conversation, making a phone call, even texting. Just connecting with someone and sharing love helps your emotional health.
Beating the overwhelm can be done! Give yourself credit for all the things you are already doing, keep an ongoing list of things you need or want to do, and add things to your list of things to do in baby steps increments. Resist the urge to be “Martha”, and simplify and focus on what really matters most to you and your family.