8 Tips for Building Relationships Throughout the School Year

Now that you are well into the school year, how do you continue to build relationships with students?

First – here is something to think about. It’s one thing to say we’re going to build relationships with kids, but Jennifer Hogan challenges us to do something even more important: think about whether you want to build relationships with certain kids. You can read her post
HERE.

One thing I would add — you cannot be afraid of the kids you teach. If you are afraid of a student, work on that first, THEN work on building a relationship with the student.

If you have the WANTING to build a relationship part down, here are 8 suggestions.

1 – Notice your students. Notice their facial expressions and body language. Ask how they are feeling or if they want to talk about something that might be bothering them. Make sure you are really SEEING them.

It’s easy to notice the kids who demand attention (especially if they’re doing that in negative ways), but what about the kids who are always doing the right thing? What about the ones who wait quietly when others are still being disruptive? What about the kids who put their best effort and energy into their work, every single day? A simple “I notice that you . . . “ private conversation goes a long way.

2 – Speaking of brief conversations, try having some with each of your students at odd moments of the day. I know that there do not seem to be any odd moments, but try keeping a sticky note of two or three names and try to find a minute or two to check in with just those kids.

Ask them how things are going in school, outside of school, if there is anything they are especially excited about in their life right now, etc. It may take a few of these brief conversations to get some students to really talk to you.
But it is so powerful when you find some nugget of information that will help you to incorporate that student’s interests or information into your teaching.

3 – Continue (or start) greeting kids at your classroom door every day when they enter your class. Just smile, say “good morning”, “I’m glad you’re here”, and any verbal greetings that are comfortable for you.

These verbal greetings actually make you have a positive attitude toward the child you are greeting (even if you did not have such a positive attitude toward them when you saw them). Bonus points for incorporating some sort of handshake/high five/hug type of greeting!

4 – If some child is getting on your last nerve: try to find ONE THING about them that you like or appreciate. Try to focus on that one thing.

Thank the child for it (“thank you for cleaning up your area every single day”, “thank you for working with ____ on that project”, “thank you for staying focused and finishing that assignment”). Mention it in front of the class, if you and the student are comfortable with that, and if it’s appropriate to share.

5 – Try to schedule a time to have lunch with each student. I usually allow them to invite one friend if they want to do that. During this time, we just talk and I always learn so much.

My school tends to have meetings during lunchtime (PLC, etc.), so I can only schedule these lunches once or twice a week. It takes several weeks to get to everyone, but it pays off during the rest of the year.

6 – Examine your own biases. We all have them and have to fight against them. Any time you have a reaction to a child or to a situation, stop and check yourself. Does your reaction have anything to do with your attitudes toward the child’s race, parents, ethnicity, gender, or sexual identity? What can you do to work on this? Talking honestly to a trusted colleague or coach might be one solution.

7 – Try to spend two minutes daily with a child who needs you in a different way. Choose just one child (preferably the one with whom you’re having the most trouble). These two minutes could be consecutive or it could be one minute at two different times of the day.

What do you talk about? Anything except all the things going “wrong” with the child. No disciplining, pep-talking, etc. Try to follow the child’s lead, conversation-wise. Ask the child how things are going – at school, at home. Ask them what they like to do after school, on weekends. Who is someone they like spending time with? What do they want to be when they grow up? Why? You get the idea.

Ask open-ended questions, asked with a genuine desire to know the answer. I promise you that you will gain a different perspective on the child.

8 – See them as you want them to be — not as they are. I noticed that I often referred to different kids in my class as “kind” or “thoughtful.” So I started trying to apply those same words when talking to kids who aren’t always that way. Whenever they do give you a glimmer of being “kind” or “thoughtful”, notice it and say something! The more you focus on the good, the more of it you will find.

I close with a link to one of my favorite TED talks of all time – “Every Kid Needs a Champion” by Rita Pierson.

I hope it will inspire you to keep building those relationships throughout the year!