25 Common Sense Parenting Tips

This is the first of a three-part post series on common sense parenting tips.

First, a disclaimer: I am not a parenting expert. But I have raised two children who are now successful, independent adults and who still love to spend time with their parents, so we must have done something right! I am also an elementary school teacher with 28 years of experience. So I have seen a LOT in terms of parenting (many good things, some really stupid things). I’ll share some general rules and consequences tips in this post. My next posts will focus on technology, extracurricular activities, and homework tips.

Here are 25 common sense parenting tips:

1 – YOU are the adult. Your children are children and they need you to be the grown-up. You do not need to ask their permission when you give them a direction to do something or tell them about a decision you’ve made. You don’t need to add the word “okay?” to the end of your directions, as that implies that you are asking their permission for the directive you just gave. You can ask something like, “Do you understand?” or “Do you have any questions?”.

What you are telling them to do may not be up for discussion. Explain that you are the parent, that you love your child no matter what, and that it is your job to help them learn what they need to do to be _____ (fill in the blank: a good person, honest, hard-working, a good student, whatever). Then tell them what the limit/rule/consequence is and enforce it. The end. No need for lengthy explanations of why (they will tune you out anyway) or asking if that’s okay with them (it won’t be — they are a child and they want what they want when they want it).

2 – You are not your child’s friend. You are their parent. They are two separate roles. Every adult that considers their parent to be a “best friend” will tell you that when they were growing up, their parent was a parent to them, not their buddy. Don’t worry about your child expressing indignation when you set limits. It will pass and they will get over it.

3 – Be a “warm demander”. Warmth and showing love are important, but discipline is just as important. The word “discipline” actually comes from the Latin word “disciplina” which means “instructing” or “teaching”. Children feel more secure and loved when their parents set limits for them and actually enforce those limits. Plus, your kids will learn self-control and how to tolerate frustration. Being a warm demander means having high expectations for your child, but also being willing to teach them how to meet those expectations.

4 – There is no such thing as privacy until they are paying their own bills. You do have the right to monitor their use of technology in whatever way you want to do that. Keep in mind that your kids are probably much savvier with technology than you are. If you suspect online activity that goes against your family’s values, look into ways to track their online activities and set limits (such as no phones after a certain time of night, no online games after a certain time, limits on social media, etc.).

5 – There is a verse in the Old Testament book of Proverbs that is a good precept to follow. The verse is Proverbs 22:6:

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

This verse is a good precept since it addresses everything! Think about what you want your children to be like when they’re adults. Do you want them to have good manners? Start training them now. Do you want faith to be an important part of their lives? Start training them and talking to them about your own faith now. Do you want them to be responsible and hard-working? Start training them now. It doesn’t just suddenly happen when they turn 18.

6 – Talk about your values and what is important to you as a family. As your kids get older, it’s okay to admit your failings and all the ways you work toward a goal but fall short sometimes. Your kids will see that anyway so you might as well be honest about it and model the trait of messing up but working to fix it and to improve.

7 – Make your kids do chores! I am amazed at how many parents feel guilty for asking their child to do chores at home. Doing chores helps a child to feel a sense of purpose within the family — their help is needed to keep the home and family running smoothly.

Here’s an article with a list of age-appropriate chores for children.

8 – Listen. Being in the car is the best place for this. I don’t know if it’s because you aren’t looking directly at them that gives them the freedom to talk. But whatever the reason — take advantage of the time and just listen.

9 – When your child wants to talk about something, let them talk. Even if it’s not the most convenient time for you.

10 – Speaking of listening, try not to jump in and give advice until the moment is right. Just let them talk. It’s okay to ask, “Do you want my help with this?” or “Do you want some suggestions for . . .?”, but try to let them talk through it and tell you what is happening.

11 – Listen for the feeling behind the words. While your daughter might be complaining about a friend’s treatment of her or how a teacher handled a situation, listen for what might really be bothering her. Is she worried about not having any friends? Is she worried about the teacher being unfair to her in some way? Sometimes the actual worry is hidden behind the stories she is telling you.

12 – Listening is important. Hearing what your child has to say is important. But watch your response. Kids take their cues from how you react to things and your reactions could either make the situation worse OR cause your child to shut down and not talk to you.

Here are some common mistakes I have seen (and some I have made myself and corrected).

~over-sympathizing. If you jump right in with “oh how awful, you poor baby, come to mama, let’s have some cookies and milk”, your child will get the idea that this truly is a life and death situation and they should be afraid. That does not mean that you shouldn’t sympathize with the difficulty they are facing. It just means that you listen but don’t overdo it in terms of sympathy. Try to get your child into problem-solving mode.

Here’s an example of what to say instead:

“I hate that this happened between you and your friend. I know it really hurts. That happened to me once too. But let’s think about what we can do to fix it” (or to deal with it if you don’t deem it fix-able).

You have just expressed sympathy and care, you have let your child know that you are on their side, but you shift to helping them take ownership of the problem and how to work it out.

~automatically believing every word they say. I know this may be hard to hear, but the best kids out there will still lie, evade the truth, or slant the truth in favor of their position. That does not mean that they are evil people. It actually is a positive in that it shows they are highly motivated to not get in trouble!

So here’s what to do. When they tell you some story about how they have been wronged, ask them questions about how the whole situation came about. I don’t mean that you jump to blaming them for what happened — just try to get them to recreate the event as it actually was, not how they wished it was!

When you finally get a more balanced story, thank them for telling you the truth. Then walk through the situation with them, talking about how the events could have been prevented or how the situation could have been improved. Just like in the first scenario — be on their side, but shift to helping them be a problem-solver, not a whiner/complainer/”woe is me” kind of kid. If you need more perspective on something that happened at school, contact the teacher.

~they get bad news of some type (they are in “that” teacher’s class, their best friend is moving away, they didn’t make the team). Sympathize, yes, then look for the positives. Shift into that problem-solving mode again.

Don’t act as if it is the worst possible thing that could ever happen. As I mentioned before, that makes them feel even worse about the situation. You are not helping them when you do that. You are handicapping them when you make them dependent on you to make them feel better but not actually equipping them to handle problems in the real world.

~on the flip side — automatically blaming them or criticizing them for whatever problem they share with you. That will shut down communication altogether. Just be quiet and listen. Keep your mouth shut. When you shift into that problem-solving mode, THEN you can ask if there are some things that they could do to make this situation better (or not occur at all). You might even suggest some of your thoughts at this point. But try to do that in a way that makes you their ally rather than their critic.

~jumping to conclusions about what they share with you. Like the example of lying, do not assume that just because your child lied to you it means that they are a hardened criminal. Reminder: they are motivated to stay on your good side and not get in trouble –that is a positive thing.

So if they share something with you that shows them in a negative light, do not panic. Remind them (and yourself) that we all make mistakes and we all need grace. The important thing is to admit to the mistake, to fix it as best we can, and to move on and try to learn from that experience.

Your grace and forgiveness (and shifting into that problem-solving mode) will do more to assure them of your constant love and your willingness to help them than any criticizing could ever do. I’m not saying to never criticize — but there is a time and a place for that, and when they are confessing something to you — that is neither the time nor the place.

13 – Say what you mean and mean what you say. Do not make threats you cannot or do not want to keep. Doing this actually builds your child’s trust in you. When they know they can count on you to set limits, they also know they can depend on you for everything else in their life.

14 – Speaking of threats of consequences, start small. A minute of time-out can be very effective when the child wants to play. No need to start with ten minutes when one minute will do.

15 – Make sure the punishment fits the crime. If they say something rude or hurtful, they should apologize and then say something kind. If they talk back to you, they should apologize and re-phrase what they want to say. If they violate technology privileges, they need to lose some time. If they don’t complete a chore, they need to lose some free time.

16 – If there is some behavior you want to change, you are going to have to threaten your child’s “standard of living”. By this I mean that you will need to take something away that they value. But the punishment needs to fit the crime.

If they abuse cell phone privileges, they lose the phone for a certain amount of time. If they are throwing toys, they are removed from the play area and have to sit in time-out. If they are saying mean things or getting aggressive, they are removed from the group and sit in time-out until they are calm and can apologize. No screen time or play time until homework or chores are complete.

17 – Warnings & consequences – I think it’s fine to give a warning before imposing a consequence. Notice I said A warning – meaning one. Do not threaten over and over or do the dreaded “I’m going to count to three” and then not follow through. Your child will only learn that you don’t really mean it and they can continue with whatever behavior they are doing.

18 – Tell them that you love them, every single day. Bonus points for telling them more than once a day! You can never say it enough. Don’t just assume your child knows you love them. You need to say the words.

19 – Remind them that your “job” as a parent is to love them no matter what but to also teach them to be a good person. And that’s why you set limits for them and try to help them understand how they need to behave or do important tasks (like school work, chores, etc.). Limit TV and too much screen time early on. It’s far easier to allow them more time later than it is to try to take away something that has been their habit since toddler age.

20 -Teach your kids to respect everyone, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, religion, etc. It is fine to acknowledge differences, but it is important to respect all people and know that we are more alike than unalike. This LINK gives some great tips for teaching your child racial consciousness while promoting racial justice.

21 – Teach, and expect them to use, basic good manners. Saying “please”, “thank you” and “excuse me” will always earn respect from others and will help them make the best impression.

22 – If you are the parent of a preschool-aged child, teach your child to be socially acceptable to both adults and other children BEFORE they start kindergarten. If you don’t, someone else will let them know that they are annoying or rude or whatever, and it will probably be done in a much less loving way than how you would teach them.

Studies show that kids with good social skills (cooperating with peers without prompting, helpfulness, empathy with others’ feelings, and ability to resolve problems on their own) are far more likely to earn a college degree and have a full-time job by age 25 than those with more limited skills.

23 – Some behaviors to squelch in a young child: having to be first all the time, not following rules (if they don’t follow rules, they don’t play – period.), burping/belching, rude comments (explain to them about how it can hurt feelings), doing annoying things and not stopping when told to stop.

24 – Both parents need to be on the same page! If you have differences in how you want to handle something, discuss it away from the child’s hearing. When you’re with your kids, both parents need to enforce the same rules and consequences.

25 – I know I’ve said this before, but I will say it again. Tell your child that you love them unconditionally, at least one time every day. Kids really cannot hear those words enough. Notes are great, texts are fun, but nothing beats the sound of a parent’s voice reminding their child that they are loved, no matter what.

LAST TIP:
*And finally — the most important tip of all. Prioritize yourself and your marriage. Your kids need you to be the best parent you can be. That means taking care of yourself so that you can be your best. See my posts about self-care on this site and make it a priority.

As for your marriage — keep that as a higher priority as well. Many parents tend to think that kids should be a higher priority. But the research is clear that a strong marriage is the best environment for kids. I once heard someone say that your marriage is the sun and your children are the orbiting planets. That seems like a good analogy to me. Children thrive when the adults around them are healthy and happy.

Here are some books that have helped me through the years. Even if you don’t agree with everything in these books, you will find some wisdom to guide you.

And Then I Had Kids: Encouragement for Mothers of Young Children by Susan Alexander Yates
And Then I Had Teenagers: Encouragement for Parents of Teens & Preteens by Susan Alexander Yates
The New Dare to Discipline by James Dobson
The New Strong-Willed Child by James Dobson
The New Six Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children by John Rosemond
John Rosemond’s Fail-Safe Formula for Helping Your Child Succeed in School by John Rosemond
The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed by Jessica Lahey
How Children Succeed by Paul Tough
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter & How to Make the Most of Them Nowby Meg Jay

A new book I just got from Amazon and can’t wait to read: How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results by Esther Wojcicki.

I would love to hear your comments! Watch for my next post about technology, homework and extracurricular activities!

Summer Planning for Teachers

As I write this post, I have 4 more days of school. I can do this. Part of what keeps me going at this point is thinking about all the things I want to do over the summer. When I was in elementary school, the thought of summer was a long stretch of time that I loved. Now that I am (much) older, the anticipation of summer feels like a long stretch of time but actually goes by far too quickly. I have learned that I really need to be intentional in how I plan my time in the summer so that I can relax and enjoy that time, but also be productive and spend time with people I love.

If you want to do the same, try these tips for planning:

1 – Think about how you want to feel by the end of the summer. What will make you feel like it was a great summer for you? Will you feel more connected to people you love? Will you feel more relaxed? Productive? Healthier? More financially stable from working at another job? All of the above?! Just take a few seconds to jot down words that express how you want to feel.

2 – Now think about what you would need to do in order to have those feelings. Will you need to plan to spend time with certain people? How much time? What will you do? What would make you feel more relaxed and less stressed by the end of the summer? What routines would help you feel more productive? What routines would help improve your health or fitness? How might you earn some extra money this summer?

3 – I like to use time in the summer to spend time with people I love or to catch up with friends I might not see as often during the school year. Try to make definite plans (with set dates) for some of these visits. I tend to stay up later and watch more movies with my husband during the summer. That may not happen every night, but I usually list that as something I want to do every week.

4 – Make a list of things you may not be excited about (organizing closets comes to mind), but might be something that needs to get done. I do tend to save these bigger organizing projects for summer since I need a bigger block of time in which to get them done. Yes, I will feel more productive and organized when they are done, but they aren’t necessarily the goal for my summer.

5 – I also make a list of things I just plain want to do. Reading more books always tops the list because reading is my passion. While I often do improve myself in some way by reading books about education and other nonfiction, I also do a fair amount of lighter fiction reading in the summer!

6 – Do you have summer travel plans or times when you will have house guests? List those dates and block a day before or after for packing/unpacking or for getting your home ready for guests.

7 – List dates for other summer activities (Vacation Bible School, summer camps for kids, appointments, etc.).

8 – Once you have dates set for various activities, look at the time remaining. Go back to those lists of routines you want to implement, tasks you want to complete, people with whom you want to spend time, and things you want to do.

Plug in the tasks to complete but try to set time limits or deadlines for those tasks so they won’t take up too much valuable time.

Look at your routines. What will need to be done daily? What will need to be done weekly?

Look at the things you want to do and the people with whom you want to spend more time. Where can you schedule those activities?

If your calendar looks like mine, it’s probably fairly full! We don’t want to overly schedule summer (part of the joy of summer is the time to be spontaneous), but we do want to feel as if we used the limited time we have to do the things that are most important to us.

Here’s to an awesome summer ahead!

Self-Care for Children & Teens

If you are a mom or teacher, I hope you pay attention to your own self-care and wellness. But it’s also important to teach your children or students to do the same.

Both my husband and my son graduated from a preparatory boarding school for boys in Chattanooga, Tennessee called The McCallie School. (If you have a son, check out the school here.)

We get the school magazine and I always enjoy reading it, but their springtime issue especially caught my eye. The focus of the magazine is “Seeking Wellness — Finding Balance in a Pressure-Packed World.”

The letter from the headmaster, Lee Burns, made several important points. He talked about how the school has significantly increased its focus on wellness, which has become an institutional focus for the school. He starts his article with these words:

“McCallie is a school of high standards and excellence, with a culture of hard work and achievement . . . That culture is a defining McCallie characteristic, a strength. Yet we must be thoughtful and careful of our strengths, lest they throw us off balance or create unintended consequences.”

He goes on to talk about the pressures that our middle school and high school students face. These pressures are leading to higher levels of anxiety, loneliness, and depression. I see this even in elementary school. McCallie is putting an intentional focus on wellness.

fitness

Some of the practices they are promoting include: expressing gratitude, being mindful, breathing techniques, journaling, regulating social media use, eating healthfully, exercise, and sleep.

It’s ironic to see that some practices (such as keeping a gratitude journal and meditation) used to be considered “woo-woo” or out of the mainstream, but are now being acknowledged as practices that really do make you healthier and better able to handle stress.

Two of McCallie’s counselors, Will Honeycutt and Trey Tucker, wrote a piece in the magazine called “17 Ways to Live Better in a Busy World.” They suggest to the boys that they try picking four or five actions to try or to repeat. Check out this list and see what you can incorporate in your own life and can teach your children or students to do:

1 – Sleep (go to bed early, take a nap, sleep in)
2 – Volunteer
3 – Go outside
4 – Treat yourself (indulge in something just for you)
5 – Learn something new
6 – Give hugs. Get hugs.
7 – Limit technology
8 – Smile when you wake up (think of something that makes you happy)
9 – Nurture your faith (pray, meditate, read Scripture)
10 – Express gratitude
11 – Laugh
12 – Cultivate friendships
13 – Declutter
14 – Exercise
15 – Go solo (spend some time by yourself)
16 – Practice hospitality (invite people to join you for something fun)
17 – Eat natural food

As you enjoy your summer, remember to take time for your own self-care and teach your kids how to do the same!

How Teachers Can Keep Themselves Going at the End of the Year!

In my last post, I wrote about how teachers can keep students motivated and engaged at the end of the year. But if you’re a teacher, you’re also concerned about keeping yourself going at the end of the year! Here are 18 self-care tips for this busy (or busier than usual) time of year. If you’re not a teacher, these tips will work for you too!

1 – Try 1-2 minutes of mindful deep breathing. Just take a moment to close your eyes (if possible) and take deep inhales for a count of four and then exhale to a count of four. Even if you can only spare 30 seconds, it makes a difference. I hate having recess or lunch duty, so I really try to do this at those times. I have to keep my eyes open, but it still calms and relaxes me to where I almost enjoy the duty after all!

2 – Go to bed earlier, even by just 15 minutes.

3 – Get up earlier in the morning to enjoy some relaxed time at home before leaving for work. Enjoy a leisurely cup of coffee or tea.

4 – Make lists of all the thousands of things you need to do! This doesn’t get stuff done, but it does help clear your mind of all the nagging little thoughts of everything you have to do.

5 – Make one of those lists a list of all the things that went well this school year. Keep adding to the list every day. Even in your toughest years, you will find many things that were good and that you did well.

6 – Plan your day in time blocks. Read my post about time blocking HERE.

7 – Get some exercise every day. Even a 15 minute walk counts.

8 – Eat more food that nourishes your body. While hitting the candy stash probably is more inviting right now, try eating just one or two more servings of fruit and vegetables instead.

9 – Stay hydrated. Drink half your bodyweight in ounces of water, every single day. Add lemon or lime to your water, or drink flavored sparkling water. Whatever helps you to get your water quota into your body!

10 – Read something that you enjoy reading, even for just five minutes.

11 – Cut back on screen time. Try to enjoy more time outside instead.

12 – Spend five minutes clearing a messy area at school (your desk, a bookshelf, part of a closet). Five minutes a day will make a big difference by the end of the week!

13 – Spend five minutes clearing a messy area at home.

14 – Listen to a podcast while you’re doing that clearing or while cleaning anything at home.

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15 – Repeat positive affirmations to yourself.

16 – List five things you are grateful for, both morning and evening.

17 – Set three goals for self-improvement during the summer and things you could do that will lead to that improvement.

18 – Make lists or plans of things you will enjoy doing when you are finally out of school! Having things to look forward to will keep you going!

Stay strong, take care of yourself with these self-care tips, and enjoy your summer break.

How to Keep Your Students Motivated & Engaged at the End of the Year!

If you’re a teacher, you are now in the home stretch. And you are probably are feeling really worn out from all the stuff that has to be done during the last month of the year (including state testing). There are so many memes on social media about the end of the year and while they are hilarious, most of us are trying hard to stay strong, keep the kids focused, and end the year in a positive way. We need to keep teaching until the very last day, but we need some ideas for how to do that in an engaging way.

First, some thoughts from one of my favorite bloggers, Vicki Davis of Cool Cat Teacher:

You can do it. You can finish well. Love the kids. Make memories. Share moments of laughter. You’re teaching until the final bell rings and then as your words ring in their head – if you’ve said good and worthy things – you might just have the opportunity to teach them the rest of their lives.

So, how do we do that? Here are 21 ideas!

1 – Think about some fun learning units or lessons you could do at the end of the year. Anything that is more project-oriented or takes more time than what you can usually spare during the year might be a good choice. This is the part of the year where your students are “trained” to work together well and they know your expectations. So take advantage of that and bring in every project or fun idea you can. For instance, our students will be creating “chariots” for Spheros and we will be holding chariot races during the last week of school!

2 – Have your students create a memory book about the school year. There are lots of ideas for this on Teachers Pay Teachers, but you can also make up your own prompts. Think about a list of favorites — favorite science unit, favorite thing you learned in math, favorite read-aloud book, etc. Open-ended prompts work best. You can make the memory book on paper, of course, OR you can make it into a technology project using Google slides. I’m happy to share the Google slides memory book we created for our fifth graders. Email me and I’ll send you the link.

3 – Your students could also write advice for next year’s students. Think about open-ended prompts for this as well. While it’s fun to have a letter from every student that you can give to your students next year, it’s also fun to have groups of your students work on this project and create Google slides of that. You can show the presentations to your class next year.

4 – Write a six-word memoir about the year. We also do these on Google slides (clearly, we love that tool!) and our technology specialist incorporates them into a slideshow for our fifth-grade graduation event. You could create a slideshow for your own class. These are fun and meaningful.

5 – We take a grade level photo of all of our kids on the playground equipment. We then get copies made of the photo. Students decorate inexpensive picture frames like THESE. When the picture frames are dry, we insert the pictures for a fun memento of the year.

6 – One of my favorite end of year activities is something we do on the last day of school. We call it “the REAL EOG” since our state takes EOG’s, or End-of-Grade tests. This is a series of reflective questions, asking for student feedback on whatever you want to know — what they liked, what they would prefer to be different, what helped them, what did not help them. We create this in Google forms and have all of our students complete it on the last day of school. They are always a bit shocked when we say that we have one more EOG to take, but then they are pleasantly surprised! If you want a copy of the questions I use, send me an email.

7 – Do any of your students have a special talent or passion? Give them the opportunity to teach! This could be the result of a Genius Hour project, or it could be just a chance to share. This year, I have a student who has a passion for origami. We’re scheduling time for him to show some simple origami projects and my kids can’t wait. Another student developed a strong interest in the American Revolution and has created an entire Google slides presentation of his research. Ask your students if they would be interested in sharing something like this and you may be surprised at what they are capable of teaching everyone!

8 – If you have taken pictures of your students throughout the year, make a slideshow using Animoto or WeVideo!

9 – Allow some (or all) of your students to interview a classmate — about the year, about what they look forward to for summer and for the next school year, about books they recommend. They can videotape the interviews. You, of course, have final editing rights! These are also fun to show the class.

10 – At the beginning of the year, we had our students write letters to their “future self” about their goals for the year. We give these back at the end of the year and it’s fun for students to read their letters to themselves and see how they have achieved goals and often even surpassed them. Even if you don’t have letters like that from the beginning of the year, it’s fun to have them think back to the beginning of the year — what they were worried about, what they wanted to learn how to do — and spend some time writing or just talking about how far everyone has come.

11 – Have your students use Flip Grid or WeVideo to make brief videos about favorite books. Let them work together and create a script first, but encourage creativity and “selling” the book. You can show these videos to your class next year!

12 – If the weather and your school safety plan allow, spend more time outside. You could read outside, take whiteboards and do math review outside, play various review games outside. Take advantage of the spring and early summer weather.

13 – Write end of the year haiku or acrostic poems. These could be focused on a certain field trip or different learning activity from the year. They could be about other students, or just about the year in general.

14 – If being outside is not an option, consider having a classroom “camping day” or “beach day”. Allow students to bring bath towels, beach towels or blankets. You can find campfire scenes or beach scenes on youtube and keep that up on the Smartboard all day. Consider bringing a fun snack like pretzels, popcorn, or low-sugar cookies.

15 – Your students could spend time writing thank you notes to adults in the school who make a difference to them. Rather than writing lots of notes (although that is fine too), encourage them to put some thought into it and only write two or three notes. This is an especially good activity for upper elementary students who may have been at the same school for several years.

16 – Make a graffiti wall out of bulletin board paper. Let students write things they will remember, funny moments or memorable moments from the year, what they will miss, etc. You could also let them use a whiteboard. Another fun graffiti activity is to do this outside with sidewalk chalk.

17 – My students love to answer “Would You Rather” questions during our class circle. Here’s a link to a great free resource for end-of-year and summertime questions!

18 – Get your students to help with end of year cleaning and organizing tasks. You’d be amazed at what they can do to help.

19 – Consider having an “awards ceremony” on the last day of school. There are some great ideas on Teachers Pay Teachers. This is one of my favorites. You can have your students vote on these or you could just award them yourself.

20 – Make plans for summer reading with your class. You could all brainstorm a list of books to read. Encourage your students to keep in touch with each other and talk about their books. Some options for talking to each other include actually getting together to talk, writing a letter and mailing it, using email, or using Edublogs.

21 – Keeping everyone focused and motivated to follow rules and routines is always a challenge at the end of the year. One thing I do during the last two months of school: select mystery students. Every morning I randomly choose five students who are that day’s “mystery students’. I tell the class that at random times, I will be watching to see if my mystery students are doing the right thing. I keep it simple and keep track with a sticky note and tally marks. Then, at the end of the day, I announce that day’s mystery students and reward them with an Oreo cookie or a small piece of candy such as a Jolly Rancher. If someone doesn’t get the reward, I don’t announce their name publicly, but I do talk to them privately and explain why they didn’t get the reward. This system always works, but mostly because it’s a change of routine. Try it and see what you think!

Taking time to change up the routine with different activities and to actually enjoy your students helps end the year on a positive note. It will create great memories for your students, but it will also help you to remember why you do this important work. If you have other suggestions or ideas, please share!

Balance Your Hormones with THE HORMONE FIX!

If you are a woman, I highly recommend reading The Hormone Fix by Dr. Anna Cabeca. I listened to an interview with Dr. Anna on one of my favorite podcasts (The Intermittent Fasting Podcast) and I immediately ordered her book. I’ll share some of the takeaways I got from reading the book.

Dr. Anna talks about her OB-GYN practice and the many women she has treated over the years, along with their hormonal complaints. She goes on to recommend that you “test, don’t guess” and she includes some questionnaires that help you identify exactly what hormonal issues you might be having. She recommends measuring your waist and your hips to determine your waist-to-hip ratio. (By the way, that ratio is W divided by H. A ratio of 0.80 or less is considered to be healthy or safe for women.) Dr. Anna recommends purchasing some pH trips and ketone strips at your local pharmacy and testing your urine daily. The goal is to get your urine pH in the alkaline range of 7. The goal for the ketone strips is to get your body into ketosis so that it is producing ketones. (More about habits you can implement to get those results below.)

Similar to implementing many other habits, Dr. Anna recommends down tracking your data and your habits daily. (I confess that I miss a day here or there, but tend to get back in the habit of tracking quickly. Habit tracking is very effective!)

Dr. Anna recommends tracking:
*your weight, waist measurement and hip measurement once weekly;
*your hours of sleep from the night before;
*your urine pH and ketones;
*your water intake;
*whether or not you added an alkalinizer to your diet, like Dr. Anna’s Mighty Maca Plus, baking soda, or apple cider vinegar;
*whether or not you had a bowel movement;
*what physical activity you enjoyed;
*writing down at least one thing you are grateful for daily;
*setting your intentions for the day – what you want to accomplish, enjoy, experience or improve in your life;
*choose a “cheer word”. Dr. Anna says: “This is a word that when you say or think of it, it brings a smile to your face. . . . . Say this word many times throughout the day so that you’ll smile, instead of ‘resting witch face.’”
*write down what or with whom you have connected with this day;
*write what oxytocin activity you did or plan to do (more about that below);
*she includes a brief positivity self-assessment where you rate yourself with the following scores: 0 = not at all; 1 = slightly; 2 = more often; 3 = absolutely. The positivity self-assessment helps reset your mood because the more often you say these statements to yourself, the more you will believe they are true! (Similar to saying affirmations daily. See my morning routine post about that HERE.)

Dr. Anna recommends following a ketogenic diet but making it more alkaline with greens and other veggies. A ketogenic diet restricts carbohydrates which is helpful to midlife women since we just don’t need as many carbs. Other benefits of ketosis: prevents insulin resistance, optimizes your blood sugar, tames your appetite, prevents disease, and improves memory.

“Lifestyle, from sleep habits to stress management, also makes a huge impact in the quality of our lives and relationships — which is what women really want upgraded at this point in their lives. . . . All of my experience and research had now come full circle. I discovered that the best way to lose weight and ensure optimal health is to combine an alkaline diet and lifestyle changes, along with getting into ketosis.”

Dr. Anna also recommends my personal favorite eating plan: intermittent fasting. Read my post about that HERE or read my favorite book about intermittent fasting, Delay Don’t Deny by Gin Stephens. It is a key component for getting into ketosis. Intermittent fasting accelerates fat burning and kick-starts the process of autophagy. Autophagy is the process by which the body cleans out the damaged cells and defends against stress and disease. Think of it as spring cleaning for your body, every single day. Dr. Anna lists other health benefits of fasting. She says that fasting can:
~reduce body weight
~slow down the growth of tumors and decrease cancer risk
~improve joint & bone health
~help manage blood sugar
~protect the heart
~reduce the risk for menstrual problems
~improve mental health during the menopause transition
~reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression
~ease stress levels

Dr. Anna is a proponent of eating a more alkaline diet. This is something that I am still learning to do. Dr. Anna says: “In general, fruits, vegetables, certain vegetable oils, herbs and spices, and nuts and seeds are the most alkaline, due to their nutrient content. Meat, poultry, dairy, sugar, processed foods, caffeine, alcohol, and so forth are the most acidic. Of course, there are some outliers: grains, which grow from the ground, are slightly acidic. And some carbs, such as potatoes and sweet potatoes, are alkaline.” Dr. Anna says that staying alkaline also has a huge lifestyle component. These factors include your level of hydration, how much you sleep and exercise, how positive you are, how often you have bowel movements, and how much time you spend in nature.

Benefits of becoming more alkaline: impacts bone health, helps your heart, improves fat burning, maintains lean muscle mass and youthfulness, prevents magnesium deficiency, reduces pain, and improves detoxification.

healthy

Some of Dr. Anna’s tips for getting and staying alkaline:
*test, don’t guess!
*drink morning alkaline water (½ T. lemon juice, ½ to 1 T. unfiltered apple cider vinegar, 1 pinch cayenne pepper, and ½ tsp baking soda
*double veggies in a salad
*slow down your eating & chew your food well
*drink bone broth
*hydrate!
*drink ½ tsp to 1 T apple cider vinegar before meals
*use MCT oil or extra virgin olive oil as a base in salad dressings
*take magnesium at bedtime
*avoid constipation
*do your best, but give yourself grace (a mindset tip)
*get quality sleep

Dr. Anna includes a keto-green 10 day quick start detox diet plan. The specifics are in her book, but here are some quick start eating guidelines:
*get rid of sugar
*no more diet sodas
*avoid gluten and grains
*ease off caffeine and alcohol
*stay hydrated
*drink less water WITH meals (drink between meals instead)
*chew your food well

She also recommends doing the following every day when you wake up: test your urinary pH; drink a large glass of warm alkaline water; drink coffee or tea; spend time in meditation, prayer and expressing gratitude.

Supplements that Dr. Anna recommends include:
*a multivitamin/mineral
*omega-3 fish oil
*vitamin C
*magnesium
*a probiotic
*a liver detox supplement, such as milk thistle
*fiber supplementation, such as flaxseed or chia seeds
*maca
Check out her book for more specifics about brands and dosage. You’ll also want to read her information about the benefits of maca!

After the 10 day detox, Dr. Anna gives tips, menus and great recipes to help you eat keto-green all or most of the time. She recommends familiarizing yourself with alkaline and acid food choices (she includes a chart in the book) and eating macros of 55-70% fats, 5-15% carbs and 20-30% protein. She suggests eating protein at every meal, avoiding gluten and grains, drinking half your bodyweight in ounces of water, taking supplements, keeping carbs around 30-40 grams per day, and daily intermittent fasting.

In addition to the keto-green eating guidelines, Dr. Anna includes chapters about several other important lifestyle elements. These include how to protect yourself from toxic overload that disrupts hormones, how to deal with stress, what to do about midlife vaginal changes, recommendations about exercise and sleep, and how to boost oxytocin.

In the chapter about reducing toxin overload, Dr. Anna suggests avoiding deodorants that contain aluminum. I have read about this in many places and have made the switch to Kopari deodorant. My daughter loves the Native brand. Try one of these and see what you think! Dr. Anna also suggests using natural cleaners such as Thieves or Seventh Generation. I also use a supplement that she recommends called DIM. This is a compound that is found in cruciferous vegetables (such as broccoli, cauliflower and cabbage) and is used for hormone balance.

Other ways to protect yourself from toxic overload: buy organic fruits and vegetables; buy organic, free-range, grass-fed, hormone-free meats and eggs; eat fish low in mercury; emphasize cruciferous vegetables; stay alkaline; drink more water; exercise at high intensity (sweat is a natural detoxifier); use a steam room or infrared sauna.

In the chapter on reducing stress, Dr. Anna recommends several strategies but she emphasizes that you need to incorporate activities that you love into your daily routine. Some of her personal favorite strategies are taking a walk, going to yoga class, taking a bath with essential oils, reading a devotional, and meditating. Other recommended activities include creating some kind of art, exercising, being in nature, listening to music, changing your thoughts to positive ones, connecting with people you love, and reading a good book. Once again, staying nutritionally alkaline plays a big role in helping our bodies heal.

yoga

Dr. Anna includes a daily spiritual assessment with six questions. She suggests sitting in a quiet place without interruptions and meditating on the questions. Review your day with gratitude and look optimistically toward tomorrow.

In the chapter on vaginal health, Dr. Anna addresses issues such as dryness, painful intercourse, and incontinence. If you are having any of these symptoms, check out her book or website for tips and resources.

In the chapter on movement and sleep, Dr. Anna emphasizes that exercise and sleep are very effective hormone fixes. Benefits of exercise, especially at midlife, include:
*stronger heart
*greater bone density
*more energy and stamina
*natural detox of system
*elevated mood and positive feeling about your body and life
*reduced intensity & frequency of hot flashes
*protection against creeping weight gain
*help with prevention of dementia

Dr. Anna says that the best exercise is whatever you love and will stick to doing! If you do not currently have an exercise plan, she recommends starting slowly, with a 15-minute walk for instance, and to keep the habit going. The power of small amounts, done consistently, will change your life for the better. (See my posts about small changes that lead to big results HERE, HERE and HERE.)

By the way, if you’re interested in getting support with healthy eating and great workouts, consider joining Faster Way to Fat Loss with Amanda Tress. Read my post about it HERE. The next round starts June 3!

Two types of exercise that Dr. Anna does recommend are yoga, strength training, and boxing! All three have different benefits, but they do have some of the same benefits:
*relieve stress
*increase strength
*improve bone density and balance
*increase overall well-being

Dr. Anna recommends getting seven hours of sleep every single night. That in itself can be a challenge for many of us, but sleep is so important for balancing your hormones and for regenerating your body. Here are her tips for improving your sleep:
*establish a healthy morning routine that starts your day off right.
*commit to intermittent fasting
*break your fast with healthy protein and fats, but very low carbs
*supplement with melatonin (taken at sunset, which seems to work better than taking it at bedtime)
*turn off electronics by 9 p.m. or at sunset
*avoid caffeine, sugar, and alcohol
*create an environment conducive to sleep (cool, dark, uncluttered)
*establish a healthy evening routine that leads to good sleep. (See my post about establishing an evening routine HERE.)

While there are many hormones in your body and they all have important benefits, Dr. Anna says that oxytocin is the most important because it is our most powerful and healing hormone.

When you read this list of what oxytocin does for you, you’ll want to boost it as soon as possible!
*enhances your sense of optimism, mastery, and self-esteem
*creates sexual arousal
*helps overcome social inhibition and fears
*heals wounds and relieves pain
*may be responsible for beneficial metabolic effects that help weight loss
*decreases health-damaging inflammation
*strengthens memory
*potentially helps with depression and anxiety
*reduces stress
*increases generosity

Now, how to boost oxytocin? Besides orgasms (the #1 way to boost oxytocin), here are Dr. Anna’s suggestions:
*cuddling with your significant other during a feel-good movie
*cuddling with your kids
*massages
*hugs
*increased sweating through a sauna, steam bath, hot yoga session, being in sunlight, or exercising
*socializing
*nurturing friendships with other females
*caring for a pet
*volunteering your time or being generous in other ways
*taking supplements of vitamin C., vitamin D, magnesium, and melatonin
*practicing self-compassion (talking to yourself as you would talk to a good friend; extending grace to yourself)

Some of the most powerful parts of this book are when Dr. Anna shares some of her own personal stories and experiences with hormone issues and great tragedy in her life. You can tell through her writing that she is very “real”. Her website, dranna.com, has great resources and products to try. I highly recommend the book and hope that you will find it helpful as well. I’ll end with part of Dr. Anna’s final message in the book:

“I believe every woman deserves a life filled with good health, happiness, and overflowing with love. With the right nutrition, an optimized I lifestyle, and simple, loving actions, you can dramatically alter and balance your hormonal chemistry. I wrote this book especially for you. I want you to live the most beautiful and vibrant life that you absolutely can.”

If you’ve read the book, let me know what you think!

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