What is self-care and why do you need it?

The term “self-care” seems to be everywhere (including on this blog!), but what does it really mean? Is self-care being selfish or overly focused on your own needs?

To me, self-care is all about taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually SO THAT you can meet others’ needs. It keeps us healthy, happy and balanced. Self-care is what enables us to keep going and to be more effective teachers, moms, wives, or friends, plus doing all the things we do to keep everything going.

Think about when you are at your best and being the best teacher or wife/mom or friend. What helps you to be YOUR best? I’ll bet it’s not staying up until 1 a.m.. watching Netflix or scrolling through social media. It’s not from spending hours and hours doing things for other people so that you’re stressed and crabby. You’re at your best for other people when you are also taking care of YOU.

While some self-care activities take longer than others, practicing self-care does not need to take a lot of time away from other people in your life. And it definitely is not selfish. The best analogy I’ve heard about self-care is that of comparing self-care to what flight attendants tell you about putting on your own oxygen mask before helping your child with their mask. It’s very difficult to be your best self for other people and take care of them if you are not taking care of yourself. And if you don’t put yourself on your to-do list, you will always be your own last priority.

The goal is to make self-care part of what you naturally do throughout the day.

Many self-care activities or practices may be activities that you already do, but did not think of it as self-care. Some examples include: exercising, reading a devotional passage or some inspirational book, giving someone a hug, drinking enough water. Now think about how you feel when you have done one of those activities. Does it make you feel better in some way? How do you feel toward other people? Anything that gives you more energy and a desire to help other people cannot possibly be selfish. It’s healthy and helpful, both for you and for those you love.

I quote Regie Routman a lot on this blog and in my work with other teachers. In her latest book, Literacy Essentials, she writes about many important aspects of teaching and learning, but one of my favorite parts is her reminder that we have to live full and interesting lives in order to be and do our best as teachers. This is wise advice for everyone, regardless of your career or if you are a parent.

In the section of the book on “Engagement – Creating a Thriving Learning Environment”, Regie writes about the importance of living an interesting life. She says that,

“How we live our lives outside of school matters . . . To foster a healthy social, emotional, and intellectual environment in our schools, we need to model that culture through our own actions.”

In giving specific advice on this topic, Regie advises prioritizing. She says:

“Time is always in short supply. To find the time to do the things we love, we often have to let something go . . . I also make time to read every day. . . As well, just about every day I write something that feels important to me. And yet. I still have unpacked boxes from a move to Seattle 14 years ago, my closets are disorganized, the oven needs cleaning, and my house will never be a dust-free zone. I will get to those chores as best I can, but they are rarely my top priorities.”

Regie tells a great story about what she learned about teaching and living from taking up tennis. Her primary purpose was to be able to play with her 16-year-old granddaughter. One of the lessons she learned was that having fun makes YOU feel good. Although getting exercise was an initial motivation, she soon realized that having fun overtook every other reason for playing, and made her happy.

“If we are investing a lot of effort and time into teaching and learning, shouldn’t joy be a by-product for both us and our students?”

Another lesson Regie learned was that doing something for yourself is a luxury AND a necessity. She talks about how life demands and guilt keep her from treating herself to things that are just for her. It was a surprise to find how great it felt to indulge in an enjoyable pursuit that was purely personal.

“Following a pleasurable, self-chosen pursuit continues to lift my spirits and give me energy to deal with the “hard stuff” life offers. Investing time in what brings us joy — whether it’s reading, biking, painting, baking, creating, and so on — gives our lives richness and balance.”

Doing the things that make us happy and that feed our souls will make us better in every other part of our lives.

A question to ask yourself — what do you need right now? Do you need a few minutes of peace and quiet? Do you need to talk with someone else? Asking yourself what you need right now, and then doing some self-care task that will help meet that need,. will make a huge difference for you.

Here is a simple list, organized by physical activities (for when you are feeling tired or unmotivated) and mental activities (for when you need clarity, focus, or are feeling frustrated). I’ve also listed activities by the amount of time they will take. Many of the activities are in both categories because they are beneficial in many ways!

Take a look and start small. Maybe choose one thing from both the physical and mental categories that you will try to do TODAY. Add more activities whenever you want! Remember that the goal is to make self-care something that you do naturally throughout the day.

Physical activities – (for when you are feeling tired or unmotivated)

1 – 5 minutes:

*Drink a big glass of water, flavored with lemon or lime if you like. \Benefits of staying hydrated all day: helps all internal organs work more efficiently, flushes out toxins and waste, increases your metabolism, increases your focus, and boosts energy levels.

*Open your curtains or blinds or just step outside for some fresh air and sunshine. Benefits: boosts your mood, makes you feel happier, and increases your body’s level of vitamin D.

*Eat a healthy snack (raw vegetables, fruit, nuts, cheese stick, whatever fits your healthy diet plan). Benefits: curbs cravings, regulates mood, and boosts brain power.

*Drink some good coffee or hot tea. Benefits of drinking a warm beverage: it slows you down & helps you relax, it keeps you hydrated, and the smell alone can make you feel happier.

*Put on your favorite comfy clothes.

*Call, text, or make plans to get together with someone you enjoy.

*Pet a dog or cat or some other furry creature. Benefits: it helps you relax by lowering heart rate and blood pressure.

*Make a list of things you do well or things you have accomplished recently. It doesn’t matter if the accomplishment is small — if you’re proud that you did it, list it anyway! According to Forbes.com, it is the one thing successful people do every day! Read more about that here.

*Light a favorite candle. Benefits: favorite scents help you relax and feel calm.

*Do some stretching exercises. Benefits: increases blood flow to your muscles, relieves stress, and calms your mind.

*Write down ten things that you are grateful for or ten things that are going well in your life and work. Benefits: helps you feel more relaxed, resilient and happier.

*Write in a journal. Write whatever comes to mind. This is similar to morning pages, but it doesn’t have to be done in the morning! Benefits: it helps you process and cope with stress and relieves anxiety.

*Do legs up the wall pose – Benefits: it triggers the relaxation response, increases circulation and stretches your hamstrings and lower back. See how to do it here!

*Ask for help. Can someone else do some task instead of you doing it?

*Pray. Remember that you are not in charge.

5-15 minutes

*Take a long shower or bubble bath, using good smelling products.

*Read 5-10 pages of an inspiring or motivational book.

*Take a walk with someone you love. (This might include your dog.)

*Take a walk by yourself.

*Do some yoga poses to stretch and relax your body. See my Pinterest board for suggestions.

*Buy yourself some flowers or a new plant.

*Watch something new to you on Netflix.

*Bake something! You don’t have to eat it all yourself. You can always give it away or take it in to the office for co-workers to enjoy.

*Try a new healthy recipe.

*Try a new restaurant, cafe or coffee shop.

30-60 minutes

*Get a massage.

*Get a manicure or pedicure or both!

*Take a nap.

Mental clarity (for when you’re frustrated or your mind feels jumbled)

1 – 5 minutes

*Look at photos of happy memories with family or friends.

*Make a list of positive affirmations and read them or recite them to yourself throughout the day. This feels silly at first, but you will find that encouraging yourself with positive affirmations helps you believe what you are telling yourself.

*Meditate. Try using the apps Headspace or Calm.

*Do a “brain dump” of everything that is on your mind. Somehow just getting everything out of your head and onto the page makes me feel better.

*Make a to-do list of just three items. When you finish those three, move on to adding three more.

*Turn off your phone and all notifications for a period of time that fits you. Maybe an hour? Maybe all day long?

*Make a list of things you do well or things you have accomplished recently. It doesn’t matter if the accomplishment is small — if you’re proud that you did it, list it anyway!

*Light a favorite candle.

*Write down ten things that you are grateful for or ten things that are going well in your life and work.

*Write in a journal. Write whatever comes to mind. This is similar to morning pages, but it doesn’t have to be done in the morning!

*Watch the sun rise.

*Watch the sun set.

*Ask for help. Can someone else do some task instead of you doing it?

*Pray. Remember that you are not in charge.

5-15 minutes

*Write morning pages, even if it’s not the morning! Get your journal, grab whatever paper you can find, or use your computer/tablet/phone. Whatever helps you to just write. Try to write for either a specific period of time (5-10 minutes) OR tell yourself to write one to three pages. Just write down whatever comes to mind. You don’t even have to keep this writing unless you want to. The point is to get everything out of your worried brain and onto the paper so that you can get some clarity and focus on what is most important to do next. Read more about writing morning pages from Julia Cameron here.

*Make your bed, hang up clothes, fold laundry, empty the dishwasher. Do some small, mindless tasks like these to bring order and calm to your surroundings

*Read 5-10 pages of an inspiring or motivational book.

*Take a walk with someone you love. (This might include your dog.)

*Take a walk by yourself.

*Do some yoga poses to stretch and relax your body.

*Clean or organize some area that bothers you. Only clean or organize one small part at a time OR work on it for just 15 minutes. You will feel energized and ready to come back to it and finish at another time.

*Think of something you want to learn how to do and find a video on youtube that teaches you how to do that. It could be something you want to learn to cook or bake, some craft you want to learn to do – whatever. Youtube is a great source of tutorials!

*If you’re not in the mood to learn something new, find a video on youtube that makes you laugh. It could be a stand-up comedy show or Saturday Night Live skits.

*Play a game or do a puzzle of some type. My family loves to play board games together, but I also love a good crossword, word search or Sudoku puzzle.

*Listen to a podcast.

30-60 minutes

*Make homemade pizza with friends or family.

*Get a manicure or pedicure or both!

*Go to a museum.

*Bake something! You don’t have to eat it all yourself. You can always give it away or take it in to the office for co-workers to enjoy.

*Try a new healthy recipe.

*Make a vision board. Use magazine photos and cardboard or go more high-tech and create your board on Google slides using online images.

*Plan a trip or a weekend getaway. Even if you can’t go any time soon, the joy is in the anticipation!

*Go through your closet or other area of your home and find items you can donate to a thrift shop. Giving things away while they still have value helps both you (it feels good to get rid of stuff you don’t use) and the recipients of your donation (who need what you’re giving away).

*Take a nap.

I hope this post has helped you to think about self-care in a new way! I would love to hear your ideas and suggestions for how you make self-care part of your daily life.

Setting Goals & Priorities for the New Year

This is the time of year when many people make New Year’s resolutions. I don’t do that anymore. Instead, I try to think more strategically about what changes I want to make and what I want to add to my life, not what I want to stop doing. After reading some great books, I have come up with a system that works for me when it comes to setting goals. NOTE: this system works can be used at any time of year, not just in January. Setting goals can be done whenever it works best for you!

Grab some paper, a favorite pen and some coffee or tea. Here are some suggestions for thinking about how you can make this a great year for you!

Caution: this post might look like it will take you a full day to do all this thinking and planning, but it won’t. Just do what you can, in small amounts if necessary, until you finish the process. By the time you are done, you will be on the path to making your life even better in the next year!

Step 1 – Reflection

First, think about what went well during the past year. Instead of feeling down about all the goals you didn’t meet, all the bad habits you continued doing, think about what you did do well. This will help you get started on a positive note and will help show you what you might want to do more of during the next year.

Here are some questions to get you started. You don’t need to answer all of these. This is just to help get you thinking.

*what will you remember about this past year?

*who are some people you met or re-connected with that added value to your life?

*what were your three favorite moments from the past year?

*what is something that you are proud of from the past year?

*if you experienced a big challenge or experienced a great loss, what good things came from that experience?

*what were some “aha” moments, where you realized something about yourself and your life?

*were there any goals that you did achieve last year?

*what worked to help you achieve those goals?
*were there any goals that you did not achieve last year?

*what got in your way and prevented you from achieving those goals?

Step 2 – Visualize

In addition to the questions above, start thinking about how you want your life to look in five or ten years. (Some people suggest thinking about three years from now. It doesn’t matter. Just choose some amount of time and start dreaming!)

Here are some questions to get you started:

*what will you do in your work?

*where will you live?

*what relationships are important to you?

*what will you do for fun or recreations?

*how will you look and feel?

*what will your financial life be like?

*where will you travel or vacation?

*how do you want your life to look in the next five years?

*what is the ONE change that would improve your life the most next year?

*what is the ONE thing you need more of in your life?

*what is your biggest challenge?

*what is your greatest need?

Get very specific in your imagination about how you will look, feel, live, what you will be doing and who you will be doing life with.

As you are thinking about these questions and doing this visualizing, just write whatever comes to mind. As I write, tasks I need to complete often come to mind (return sweater to Nordstrom, clean out hall closet, write letter to a friend, etc.). Even though those might not be “goals”, I write them down anyway. That way, my mind doesn’t fixate on trying to remember those tasks and it can be freed up to think of the bigger things. Sometimes, those tasks give me clues as to other things I want to do. For instance, if I keep thinking of people I need to write or people I need to call, maybe a goal of mine should be something like keeping in touch with friends or contacting people who need encouragement.

Once you have this brainstormed list, put stars beside the things that you believe would make the biggest difference in your life.

Step 3 – Identify 10 dreams

In a podcast episode, Rachel Hollis talks about how to do this visualizing process. Rachel calls it her 10-10-1 system. First she recommends envisioning your life ten years from now. What do you want to be, do and have in your life?

Once you have done some visualization, here are Rachel’s suggestions for what do next:

First, take all those dreams you just envisioned for yourself and narrow them down to ten. (You can combine them however you want if narrowing down to ten is difficult.)

Now write each of these dreams as if they have already happened. So you will write them in the present tense. For example: I am an exceptional wife. I earn a six figure salary.

Step 4 – Identify 1-3 goals to help you achieve your dreams

Here are Rachel’s tips for what to do next:

Now that you’ve envisioned your life ten years from now and you’ve identified ten dreams, it’s time for the “one”: write one goal that will help move you toward those ten dreams.

Rachel recommends going “all in” on that one goal, instead of setting a bunch of smaller goals.

And speaking of that one goal — make it a stretch goal. If it doesn’t “scare” you a little bit, it’s not big enough! Make it something that you are almost not sure you can achieve, something that makes you nervous. I promise that you will work harder than you have ever worked on a goal before because it will push you out of your comfort zone. Think of how exciting it will be when you do finally achieve the goal!

I have read lots of other things that recommend up to three big goals instead of one. Do what works for you. I tend to set two goals — one that is more work-related and one that is more health-related.

Keep in mind that there is a difference between a goal and a project or task. My goal might be to have a decluttered/organized home. A project might be to clean out closets and donate/sell or re-organize the contents. I define projects as the tasks I need to do to bring me closer to the goal. More about that in the next section.

Step 5 – Break big yearly goals down into 12-week goals along with projects/tasks to help you achieve the goal

A famous quote from Napoleon Hill, author of Think and Grow Rich, is a quote you may have heard before:

“A goal is a dream with a deadline.”
~Napoleon Hill

I agree with that, somewhat. As Rachel Hollis says in the Start Today journal:

“A lot of people also say that a goal has to have a time limit, but I don’t like that for goals because I feel like it sets you up for failure . . . The intention here is that working on your ideal self is a lifelong process to become who you were meant to be. Lifelong processes don’t have a time limit. All that matters is that you have consistency. We’re not looking for perfection; we’re looking for habit and that’s why this journal is a practice for every day.”
~Rachel Hollis

That is very true for many goals, such as getting better at something (like tennis or teaching) or working on something that is relationship related. However, some goals are ones that can be achieved within a time frame. Maintaining that achievement might be a lifelong process, but getting there might benefit from a deadline. To help set those deadlines, consider breaking your goal down into twelve week intervals. The 12 Week Year by Brian P. Moran & Michael Lennington explains this process.

Here is how I use it: instead of making these goals/projects something that I will complete by the end of the year (which seems a long way off when it’s only January), I identify two goals that I want to achieve in the next 12 weeks. Then I list the daily and weekly tasks I will need to do to reach that goal. For example, if my goal is to lose ten pounds during the next 12 weeks, my daily/weekly tasks might look like this:

*follow Faster Way to Fat Loss beginner workout plans five days a week

*intermittent fasting for 16 hours each day

*follow carb cycling eating plans each day

*drink at least 64 oz. of water each day.

To make sure I am on track to meet my goal, I could weigh myself each week (what the authors call a “lag indicator”). But I also score my completion of each task by checking off each task I completed as a percentage of the number possible (a “lead indicator”). For the task of following the Faster Way to Fat Loss beginner workouts five days a week, the possible number is five. If I only complete four workouts, my lead indicator for this task is 80%. If your lead indicator scores are 85% or higher, you are on track to achieve your 12 week goal. So in this case, I might look at what prevented me from completing that fifth workout and change whatever I might need to change in order to get that workout in next week. Get the idea?

At the end of 12 weeks, sit down and evaluate your progress toward your goals. What is working well? What do you need to change in order to make progress toward that big year-end goal? Set some new 12-week goals and what you will do to meet the goals and begin again! Reflection and self-assessment are critically important tasks for teachers to do in their work, and I’ve found that they work well for personal goals as well.

Step 6 – Start with a penny a day

The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson is a book that was recommended to me by Jennifer Hogan (the Compelled Educator blog). Jeff uses one of my favorite quotes to make his point in this book:

“. . . do the thing, and you shall have the power . . .”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Here’s some wisdom from Jeff:

“To accomplish anything worth accomplishing, to create success, to achieve your dreams, you don’t have to do impossible, extraordinary, superhuman things. But you have to do something. You have to start with a penny.”

~Jeff Olson

Throughout the book, Jeff talks about the importance of small, simple, daily actions that help you complete a larger goal. Here is an example:

“If I told you that reading Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich would change your life, would you sit own and read it, cover to cover, today? Mind you, that’s a 256-page book, and those aren’t lightweight pages . . . But could you read a penny’s worth — say, ten pages? . . . I don’t know how much you would get out of ten pages; maybe a lot, maybe nothing. Let’s say you get nothing. But if you could read ten pages today, could you read ten more tomorrow? Of course you could — anyone who can read could do that.

“And if you do that, and you keep it up for every day for a year, you will have read about a dozen brilliant, life-transforming classics. Your mind will be filled with the strategies and know-how to create a startling new level of success. You will have thoughts of millionaires — all from a penny.

“But you need to start with the penny.”

~Jeff Olson

As you think of tasks to move you toward achieving your goals, what are some small, simple, daily disciplines you could do? Start with a penny. Know that every little step you take is adding up. This is similar to Rachel Hollis’s words about lifelong processes.

Jeff’s advice reminds me of another great book — Getting Back to Happy by Marc & Angel Chernoff. In the introduction to their chapter “Rituals: Practice Daily What You Want to Manifest Regularly”, they say:

“Carve out a little time every day to focus on the things that matter most, and the benefits will return to you exponentially.”

~Marc & Angel Chernoff

In this chapter, they discuss setting goals and why that process often does not work. “Here’s the truth: goals don’t make positive changes happen, daily rituals do.” Marc and Angel go on to say that it’s possible to focus on our goals too much!

“Too often we obsess over a big goal, something we desperately want in our life,but are completely unfocused when it comes to the ritual — the recurring steps — that ultimately makes the goal attainable.”

~Marc & Angel Chernoff

Getting back to the weight loss example: Marc and Angel explain that if you stop thinking about your goal to lose ten pounds, and focus instead on eating healthy (with specific “rituals” that you will follow) and exercising every day (again, with some specific “rituals”), you would still lose weight and get closer to your goal. This, too, might not fit perfectly into a deadline category, but at the end of 12 weeks you would still be much closer to the goal than you would have been otherwise.

Losing weight is one example of an outcome goal over which you may not have complete control. Other factors might interfere with your losing weight at the rate you might like to lose it. However, what you can control are the processes, or the “rituals”, that will lead you to the goal.

“What we’ve learned . . . is this: nothing will change unless you make a daily ritual that reinforces your goal.”

~Marc & Angel Chernoff

Building on Rachel’s advice about lifelong processes and Jeff’s advice about starting with a penny, Marc and Angel also recommend thinking of rituals as lifestyle changes that you’ll be doing for the long term. Instead of planning to work out every day for two hours (when you have not been working out at all), plan to work out for just 15 minutes. You can do anything for 15 minutes. But if that is too hard for some reason, drop it down to ten minutes and work up from there. As Jeff says, you have to start with a penny.

Other helpful tips:

*Start and end your day with gratitude. Think about or write down five things for which you are grateful. Being grateful will change your life for the better.

*Read your goals every single day. Bonus points for writing them down every day and saying them out loud.

*Daydream and visualize yourself having achieved your goal, or being in the lifelong process of achieving it.

*Keep a journal. Track your progress, set smaller goals, reflect on mistakes or reflect on growth. You could also use your journal for the gratitude practice and for writing your goals down every day.

*Consider sharing your goals with others. Use social media. Tell your spouse or other family members. You also might consider forming a group of friends (sometimes called a “mastermind”) where you meet to share your goals and encourage each other. This builds accountability to others, which is a huge motivator. Getting a coach is another great way to get support, encouragement and accountability.

*One caution about sharing your goals. Make sure you are sharing them with people who will support and encourage you, not laugh or tell you that your goal is impossible.

*Keep your rituals small to start, but do them daily. Another piece of wisdom from Marc & Angel:

“You can’t lift a thousand pounds all at once, yet you can easily lift one pound a thousand times. Small, repeated, incremental efforts will get you to your goal. It doesn’t happen in an instant, but it does happen a lot faster than not getting there at all.”

~Marc & Angel Chernoff

*Log your progress by putting a star or some other symbol on your planner for every day that you complete your ritual that leads to a goal. Then — don’t break the pattern! Momentum is everything.

*Create visual reminders of your rituals or set reminders on your phone.

I hope that these tips will help you to identify your big goals for the next year! I would love to hear about how you’re using these tips.

Why & How to Establish Traditions in Upper Elementary Classrooms

I am officially on winter break and enjoying my family and our Christmas traditions. I’ve been thinking about how much classroom routines are really all about traditions. No matter what holiday you celebrate, you and your family probably have several traditions that are significant to you. From food to decorations to activities you do at this time of year, traditions matter and make your holiday celebrations more meaningful.

Traditions matter in classrooms and schools as well. These traditions, or rituals, make our classrooms and schools feel safe and connected and they build community between students and teachers. The predictability of these traditions and rituals empowers our students to learn, collaborate, and manage their own behavior (always the goal!).

“It is significant to realize that the most creative environments in our society are not the ever-changing ones. The artist’s studio, the researcher’s laboratory, the scholar’s library are each kept deliberately simple so as to support the complexities of the work in progress. They are deliberately kept predictable so the unpredictable can happen.” ~Lucy Calkins

I was recently reminded of the importance of our classroom traditions. Our school in North Carolina was closed for three days due to snow. My students enjoyed the unexpected break and their snow days, but were equally excited to be back together again in our classroom. I would love to tell you that it’s all because of me! But no – it’s not about me. They were happy to be back together because of the social nature of school and because of the traditions of our classroom. I know this, not just because of the level of chatter about the snow days, but because of the questions they asked.

“Are we going to continue reading Amal, Unbound?”

“Are we going to do brags & drags at circle today?”

“Are we going to have extra writing time today?”

“Is our reading group going to meet today?”

Traditions can be started at any time of the year. In this post, I’ll share some of our class’s favorite traditions. I hope that they give you some ideas for traditions you can begin in your classroom, possibly right after your winter break!

One of the most powerful traditions we can implement in school is to “see” every one of our students by greeting them at the door. Our school has adults stationed for “morning duty” at the doors where students are entering the building from the bus circle or from cars. They greet every student with a smile, saying “good morning” and using the student’s name in their greeting. When students enter our fifth grade classrooms in the morning, my team of teachers does the same. We greet every student with a hug, handshake, high five or fist bump — whatever the student chooses. When we change classes for math and science, we greet those students at the door as well. It sounds like a simple thing, but it makes a huge difference in getting the day started on the right note. By looking students in the eye and by greeting them, I can tell a lot about what is going on with them that morning. If a usually cheerful student is more gloomy, I can pull them aside and ask how they’re doing. If a student who is more “high energy” (translate that however you choose!) is bouncing down the hall, we can gently remind them about expectations, assure them that we are happy to see them, and redirect them in a positive way. Greetings matter. Really “seeing” kids and what they bring to school matters.

“It’s difficult to learn from someone we don’t trust. Years ago, esteemed New Zealand educator Don Holdaway noted, ‘You don’t have to love every student, but you do need to bond with each one of them if they’re to learn anything at all.'” ~Regie Routman

Another way to “see” our kids and to learn more about what they’re thinking is to use dialogue journals. I give each student a journal and some classroom time each week to write a letter to me in their journal. I then spend a few minutes every day during the next week responding to each child’s journal letter. I started this journal procedure because of the busy-ness of a school day. I often wondered if I was really getting to know every single one of my students. I believed that using journals would give my students private “time” with me, by communicating with me in writing. It has been invaluable. Most students write more than one letter a week, sometimes venting about something that has happened with another student and sometimes letting me know about something else that is going on with them. If a student tells me something that I believe needs more of a conversation, I tell them that we will talk about it and then I schedule a time in my planner to meet with them privately. I learn so much from these journals — about their insecurities and doubts, about happy things that have happened to them, about their lives outside of school. The book I Wish My Teacher Knew by Kyle Schwartz describes this process. Yes, the journals take some time and add one more thing to my to-do list, but it is truly valuable in connecting me to my students.

A tradition that I enjoy — and one that also bonds me to my students — is attending their athletic events or other activities outside of school. At the beginning of the year, my fifth grade team sends a letter home explaining that we want to get to know our students outside of school and asking parents to share important dates or athletic schedules. We then make every effort to attend at least one event for each student. Seeing our kids “shine” in other ways adds to our understanding of them as individuals. It also helps us to incorporate that student’s interests into the curriculum.

Having a predictable routine for starting class is another important tradition. While I am greeting students at the door, my students are unpacking, making lunch choices, and checking the board for their morning work assignment. Depending on your situation, it might be helpful to have a “do now” or a written assignment posted that students complete before class begins. At our school, we have some intervention groups and music/art groups that meet in the morning. That makes it difficult to have a “required” assignment since some students will not have the same amount of time to complete the task. So I compromise with “soft starts”, an idea I learned from Harvey Daniel’s book The Curious Classroom, by posting tasks for students to complete that can also be done at other times in the day. For example, I use Padlet for whiteboard messages. See my Pinterest board for examples of whiteboard messages. Students are always eager to add to the Padlet wall and to see what other students are posting. Just like anything else, if you use this idea, you will need to set your own ground rules (what is appropriate to post, if they can use photos or not, etc.). Another morning assignment is to have students write in their dialogue journals. We also use this time to “shop” for books in our classroom library and to add book titles to their reading lists.

One of our favorite new traditions is a daily read aloud of a picture book. I got this idea from following Jillian Heise on Twitter (@heisereads). If you don’t follow her, you should! This post on her website explains the whole process. This daily read aloud is one of my students’ favorite times of day. I have a lot of picture books that I have collected through the years, but visiting your school or local library once a month will provide you with plenty of great books. Sometimes the picture book I read will have a “theme” to it, in terms of relating to a certain time of year or in terms of a need we might have in the class at the moment (revisiting growth mindset or being kind, for example).

When the tardy bell rings, signaling the “official” start to the day, we gather on the carpet. Even this procedure has traditions to it! While taking attendance, I quickly greet every student again, emphasizing that I’m glad they are here. We preview our schedule for the day, and I often add a quick additional comment about what we will be doing during different subjects. Our school has “morning news” or announcements on video, so we watch that during this time. We end our carpet gathering time with a “precept” from 365 Days of Wonder or with what we call “sunny thoughts” (positive thoughts for the day, or affirmations). If we have a behavior goal that we are working toward (making quick transitions, for instance), we review our goal.

At the beginning of the year – and whenever we feel a need to “reset” – we set up or revisit our classroom rules. We call them “norms” as a more positive way to describe the “normal” ways we will treat each other. Some of our important norms are that we will listen to everyone’s voice and point of view, we will respect what others share, we will only make positive or helpful comments. After listing our norms, we all sign the chart (including teachers).

Other traditions that keep our classroom running smoothly and make everyone feel “safe” include having procedures for how we do “business” in our classroom. We have rules for when to use the pencil sharpener, how to return books to the classroom library, where to turn in completed work, where classroom supplies are located, class jobs, restroom use, small group work, and clean up/pack up for afternoon dismissal. These sound like small things, but the very predictability of those routines and procedures help everyone to know what to do and when it is okay to do what. When some routine or procedure is not working well, we discuss it either during our morning business time, or at our restorative circle time.

Speaking of restorative circles – our school and district are implementing restorative circles as part of Restorative Practices training. You can read more about it HERE and HERE.

Circles are only one part of the entire Restorative Practices implementation. I have found them to be a very powerful part of our classroom community building and an important tradition for our class.

Circles can be done any time of the day, but I like to have a predictable time for them. (I’m seeing a pattern here with my love of predictability!) I would prefer to do a circle at the beginning of the day, but our morning schedule is a little rushed due to having specials classes first thing in the morning. So we do our morning “business” (see above) during the morning gathering time, and save our circle work for after lunch. Meeting in a circle after lunch helps us all “reset” from any recess and lunch issues and helps us refocus for the afternoon content block in our class.

The procedure for the circle is simple. We all sit in a circle, including the teacher. This puts everyone on the same “level”, so to speak, and helps us to look at and talk with each other, rather than directing all of our comments or sharing at the teacher. We use a stuffed animal as a “talking object”, but you could use any object you choose. This helps us focus on the fact that the person holding the stuffed animal is the only voice we should be hearing at the moment. We have set guidelines, or norms, for our circle. We focus on the speaker & avoid side conversations. We sit respectfully (in our own space, in other words!). If we don’t choose to share, we can pass to the next person. You could set whatever norms you think are appropriate for your grade level.

When we gather in a circle, we do several different things. I try to vary these from day to day. For instance, on Monday we share “brags & drags” from the weekend. Brags include anything positive that you want to share and drags include anything that was a “drag” on the weekend. I usually start, just to get the conversation going. For this type of circle, we just go around the circle (a “sequential circle”) and share. Students can pass if they do not choose to share (see our guidelines above). Edutopia has a great post about this, calling the procedure “roses & thorns”.

We use our circle time to share other information about ourselves, including what books we are reading right now (similar to “status of the class” for Nancie Atwell fans), what is challenging us right now, what is frustrating us. For these topics, we do a “nonsequential circle”. Any student who wants to share can do so, and we pass our talking object to the next person who wants to share instead of going around the circle.

We use circles to solve problems by discussing what the problem is, when it is occurring, and suggestions for solving the problem. Sometimes this involves discussing other students’ behavior choices. While I keep a tight rein on not letting this become a time of “piling on” and blaming, I do emphasize that we are sharing frustrations out of caring about each other and wanting everyone to do and be their best in our class. (I would not recommend the problem solving behavior choices discussions until your classroom community is well established and everyone feels “seen” and loved.)

At the end of a month, we do our favorite circle strategy. We stand in a circle for this one. First, we introduce the person to our right and we share something that we admire most or appreciate about them. After everyone has been introduced in this way, we reverse the circle. This time, we say something about the person on our left with the following prompt: “One word that I think of when I look at _____ is _______.”

A favorite tradition at the end of the day is sharing three A’s. The three A’s are appreciate, apologize, or a-ha. Students can thank, or appreciate someone in the class for something specific, or they can choose to keep the reason for appreciation private. They can apologize to someone, or to the whole class. Again, they do not have to share the reason. For an a-ha, students can share something they learned or figured out or completed that day. This tradition is always a positive way to end the day and my students complain if we are rushed and I suggest skipping it!

After our three A’s time, as we leave the classroom, I personally say goodbye to every student before we head out to buses and car circle lines. Just like with the morning greetings, I say goodbye with a hug, handshake, high five or fist bump.

I hope that you have found an idea for a new tradition you can implement in your classroom. Right after winter break (or any break) is a great time to introduce new traditions or routines. I would love to hear about your own classroom traditions!

Self-care on Christmas Eve & Christmas Day

Ready or not, Christmas is here! For some of you, those words bring joy and excitement. To others, however, Christmas can be stressful. If you have suffered a loss in your life, Christmas can be a source of sadness.

Regardless of your feelings, it’s important to take time during the next two days to be good to yourself. Here are some tips for doing that.

*Get up earlier or stay up later, and spend a few minutes by yourself. Take deep breaths and think of three things for which you can be grateful.

*Pray – for peace, for patience, for helping you to be a source of joy for someone.

*Stay hydrated. While plain water or seltzer are always the best choices, you also might enjoy some flavored hot tea, hot cider, hot chocolate or good coffee.

*Get some rest. Try to get enough sleep at night or take a brief nap (even for just 20 minutes) during the day.

*Write in a diary or journal. Write about whatever you are feeling, positive or negative. Just get it down on paper and reflect.

*Take a walk, with or without someone else. When my children were small and we spent Christmas Eve with many relatives, I would often take them outside for just a few minutes to help keep them from getting overwhelmed and melting down. But guess what? Those brief walks outside probably helped me more than they helped my kids!

*Slip away into another room, if you’re surrounded by people. Gaze at the Christmas decorations, the flicker of a candle, or just stare out the window.

*Sit and enjoy looking at the Christmas tree from a distance. Or get up close and admire the decorations.

*Play music — on your phone, on your Amazon Echo, or go old-school by playing CD’s. Play whatever calms you, makes you happy, or gives you a sense of peace.

*Take pictures – of anything and everything that brings you joy, even if it’s just a small ornament.

*Set a screen saver on your phone that makes you smile.

*Consider doing something to help others during the holiday. Could you volunteer to serve food at a homeless shelter or visit residents of a nearby nursing facility? The best solution for holiday sadness is to look for someone else to help in some way.

*Lie down, do legs up the wall pose (if possible), close your eyes and take deep breaths. Deep breathing reduces stress hormones, lowers blood pressure, and releases serotonin (which makes you feel good while also reducing cravings for sugar and other junk food.)

*Be mindful and careful with any alcohol intake. Decide on your own personal limit.

*Be mindful about your food. The holidays are a time when we often enjoy food that we don’t eat at any other time of the year (that’s peanut butter fudge for me), but pay attention to what and how much you are consuming. There’s nothing wrong with a treat. Just make sure that you slow down and enjoy it rather than just wolfing down whatever is in your path.

*If someone is getting on your last nerve, try your best to take a deep breath and just walk away. You might also try looking at them and trying to see them as a needy young child who is trying to get something that they want. While that doesn’t necessarily stop them from irritating you, it might help you to see them in a more sympathetic and compassionate light.

*Remember that this too shall pass! Think of ideas for activities you will enjoy doing after the holidays. Write your ideas down or text them to yourself. Having something to look forward to gives you hope and joy in the anticipation.

Have a very merry Christmas and remember to be good to yourself!

Something to Keep in Mind for Time Balance

Do you ever come across something that feels like it was written just for you? That happened to me this week.

I wrote a post about how I plan and block my time in order to use time in the most effective and productive way. All of the tips I shared are tips I use because they work for me. I hope they will be helpful to you as well. But — I have also noticed that as I plan my months and weeks and fill in all my millions of things to do into daily time blocks, it’s easy to lose sight of what I claim is most important in my life.

Last weekend I was cleaning out email and I found this article by Kelly Petrin on Choice Literacy’s website.

In her article about teaching and leading a balanced life (an ongoing goal for many of us), Kelly uses an acronym which I love: SPREAD.

(What can I say? I’m a teacher and we have acronyms for EVERYTHING in education.) 🙂

Here is a short version of what each letter in SPREAD represents.

S = Spiritual (whatever that may be for you. For me, it involves devotional and Scripture readings, prayer and meditation.)

P = Physical (exercise, eating healthy food, getting enough sleep)

R = Relationships (spending time connecting with people we love)

E = Enjoy (being mindful & aware of what brings you joy). As I write this post, I am sipping a hot cup of coffee on a beautiful, snowy early morning. It’s a snow day and school is closed. I am enjoying the leisurely time, the smell of the coffee, my favorite holiday mug, the fluffy snow falling, and the view of the field behind my house that is covered with seven inches of snow. Get the idea? Sometimes we have to remind ourselves to take a moment and notice the things that bring us joy.

A = Act. This is where we get to all those thousands of things to do. As Kelly says:

It won’t all get done today, but some will get done. It feels good to get something done. And now, with my spirit, my body, my relationships, and my outlook attended to, the work is put in its right place. The work appears now for what it is: a gift.

I love that. The work we need to get done is a gift. Today I’m going to stop and give thanks for each task that I “get” to do next (laundry because my husband and I have good clothes, grading math tests because I have a job teaching students that I love, buying Christmas gifts because I love the people who will receive them and I want to give them a token of that love).

D = Dream. Making some small amount of progress on your dream, on something that gives you hope for the future. It might be making a phone call, reading a book, writing a blog post, taking pictures.

I love Kelly’s concluding words:

I’m spread too thin. And maybe (probably) you are too. SPREAD helps me accept that fact, and remember what’s really important to me. It helps keep me in balance, working but not all about work.

So true. Yes, we are all spread too thin. But I believe that keeping the SPREAD acronym in mind as I plan a “balanced” day will keep me focused on all that truly matters to me.

To close, here is one of my favorite quotes from Rumer Godden:

“There is an Indian proverb that says that everyone is a house with four rooms, a physical, a mental, an emotional, and a spiritual . Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time but unless we go into every room every day, even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person.”
― Rumer Godden

Self-Care During the Holidays

With all that there is to do at this very busy time of year, it’s easy to let your own self-care fall to the bottom of the list. Yes, I know — you do not need to add one more thing to your to-do list! But read through the list below and try to find just one thing you can do for YOU, in the limited time you have.

Self-care if you have 30 seconds or less:

*pray. If you don’t know what to say, try Anne Lamott’s suggestions: Help. Thanks. Wow.

*take 5 deep breaths (breathing in for a count of five, exhaling for a count of five).

*notice areas of tightness in your body and stretch or massage the area.

*be grateful. Look around and find at least five things for which you are grateful.

*give yourself a pep talk. If you have written affirmations for yourself (see my morning routine post), pull those out and say them aloud, if possible.

*play a favorite holiday music station on Spotify or any other music app

*light a candle, preferably one with a holiday scent! Here are some options from Amazon:

Yankle Candle Balsam & Cedar
Holiday candle set

Self-care if you have 5 minutes or less:

*pray. Keep a prayer list on your phone or just pray about your current need or situation.

*check your to-do list and identify one to three things that would be the next “right” things to do to ease your stress. Getting just a few things done will make you feel better about everything else on your list.

*speaking of that to-do list — is there anything you can delegate to someone else?

*close your eyes and visualize yourself the way you want to feel right now.

Do you want to feel organized and productive? Imagine yourself in organized and neat surroundings, checking items off your to-do list.

Do you want to feel calm and relaxed? Imagine yourself looking and feeling calm and relaxed — your facial expression, your body language, your tone, your words.

*jumping up and down! It sounds crazy but it does wonders for getting you energized and ready to get back to all the holiday tasks.

*yoga poses – try any of these poses: cobra, down dog, bow, tree, bridge, or child’s pose. Google how to do them if you’re not sure, or use Yoga with Adriene on youtube.

*meditate and breathe deeply

*take a shower and use good-smelling bath products

*read a devotional passage or just a few pages from an inspiring book.

*change into something cute AND comfy – not just your regular old yoga pants or sweatpants.

*write in a journal

*call your mom or any person that makes you feel better

*make lists – what’s going well, what you have already completed, what you want to do next – whatever comes to mind

*do a “brain dump” in your journal or planner or any piece of paper. You could even type your brain dump or use an app. Just write down anything and everything that comes to mind. You don’t have to keep it, but often there will be things that come up in your brain dump that will give you clues as to what to do next to ease your stress.

*enjoy a cup of coffee, hot tea, cider or hot chocolate

*wash your face and put on some makeup

*brush your hair or style it another way

*get outside and go for a walk

*do something creative — write, draw, take pictures, play music, sing.

*listen to music on Spotify or any music app. Even listening to just one or two favorite songs will make a big difference!

*declutter something — a table top, an area of your desk, a drawer. Whatever is annoying you right now. Even if you can’t get the whole thing organized, just cleaning up part of it will make you feel accomplished.

Self-care if you have 10 minutes or more:

*Pray. Start with gratitude and name as many things or people as you possibly can. Then go through your entire prayer list, praying for specific needs and specific people. Add items to your prayer list if possible.

*Exercise. I know – you don’t have time. But even 15 minutes will make a big difference. It also helps to set up an exercise “area” in your home. It doesn’t have to be an entire home gym — just an area where you go to exercise your body and relax your mind.

*Meditate for a longer period of time.

*Take a walk outside. Even just a few minutes will help clear your mind and calm your body.

*Read. Anything you want and for as long as you can!

*If it’s the afternoon, take a brief nap. If it’s evening, try to go to bed early and get some extra sleep.

*Put your pajamas or favorite comfy clothes in the dryer for a few minutes before changing into them.

*Watch a favorite holiday movie. Or anything on Hallmark Christmas channel!

*Learn how to do something new. Youtube is a great source for videos on how to do just about everything. Set a time limit for yourself if you need to, but consider this to be productive downtime!

*Declutter something — a drawer, a shelf, a whole closet if you have the time!

*Go through your to-do list — can anything be deleted or delegated?

*Schedule a day off work. I have done this for years and find that it is a huge help in reducing holiday stress. I plan for it, I get a good substitute for my school kids, and I use the day off to get many Christmas tasks completed. And I do not feel one ounce of guilt. Try it!

I hope that some of these tips will help you to take care of yourself during this busy season. Happy Holidays!

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