Planning for Parent-Teacher Conferences

If you are a teacher, you are probably scheduling or will soon schedule conferences with your student’s parents or caregivers. Here are some tips to make this a positive and productive experience!

One note: when the word “parents” is used in this post, it refers to any adult who is in a parenting or caregiving role for the child.

SCHEDULING

First, you need to schedule conferences. This may seem simple but it can make a big difference in your stress level! While you should offer many time slots at varying times of the day (including at least one evening), you do not have to schedule yourself like an airport runway.

Plug in conferences that you believe will be “easy” (i.e., the student is doing well academically and emotionally, parents are supportive) at any time.

For the parents that you believe might be more time demanding, schedule the conference either between two other conferences (so that you have an excuse to end their conference at the scheduled time), OR leave unscheduled time after their time slot (if you believe you and the parent will truly need more time to discuss the child’s needs).

If there are parents that you suspect may be angry or unreasonable, schedule carefully. Make sure that there will be other teachers nearby who are also having conferences at the same time (next door, across the hall — NOT just in the next wing). You may also want to ensure that an administrator will be in the building during the time of that conference.

If/when your school offers evening conference times (which they really should do), make sure you are scheduling conferences during the time frame that other people are also in the building.

PREPARING FOR CONFERENCES

When you send your conference schedule times home, consider sending a form with questions for the conference as well. It’s best to leave the questions open-ended to allow for a variety of responses.

Examples include: What are your specific academic questions? What are your specific social-emotional questions? What questions do you have about the curriculum/academic expectations? What questions do you have about your child’s work habits? What other resources do you need?

This helps you to identify what the parent is most concerned about and what should be addressed during the conference. Sometimes they have very specific questions or concerns that may not get addressed in a standard conference unless you know what they would like to discuss.

Your school or grade level team may have specific data points you should share with parents at conferences. Examples might include literacy assessment data, math assessment data, etc. Find out what you need to share and print or copy the information you need.

Prepare for the conference by “studying” in advance. Make some notes about the child that you would like to share with the parents, include relevant data, and notes about what the parent asked on the form mentioned above. You don’t need to have a lot to study, but make sure you review it quickly before you meet with parents. (This is similar to how doctors review your chart data before your appointment.)

Create a note sheet or checklist for the conference. This will help keep you focused on all discussion points.

You might just use a spiral bound notebook for these notes. Turn to a fresh page for each individual conference. This helps keep you focused on all the things to be discussed and allows for space to take notes on information the parent shares as well as requests they might make.

CONFERENCE TIPS

Create an inviting area for parents to wait. You might put some chairs in the hall. Consider what is on the walls in the hall for them to look at and read. Make sure it is something somewhat current! Also, consider having a writing project displayed as that gives more to read. A board or sign that welcomes parents is also a nice touch.

Create an inviting space for the conference. Avoid sitting at your small group instruction table with parents on the other side. Sit at a student table or at desks pushed together in a cluster. This puts you and the parents in more of a “same team” posture.

After greeting the parent, ask a general question about how the year is going so far for their child. Similar to the questions asked in advance, this allows the parent to let you know what is uppermost in their mind to discuss.

ALWAYS start by saying something especially good about the child. It does not have to be an academic strength. Mention something that you really appreciate about the child or tell a brief story that shares something the child did in the classroom that illustrates your point.

This automatically puts both parents and teachers in a positive frame of mind about the child and about how to work together for the child’s benefit.

When you need to share some kind of academic or behavioral concern, explain with as much objective data as you can.

Keep in mind that no parent wants to hear that their child is not “measuring up” in some way. That does not mean that you should not be honest with them and tell them exactly where their child is performing. However, you can talk in more positive terms about what you and other teachers are doing (or will do) to help the child with the need.

If it is a behavioral concern, do the same thing but I think it’s also helpful to ask the parent for suggestions or tips. Tell them that they are the expert on their child and that you need their help because you want to help their child do/be their very best. Most parents will be eager to try to help, especially when they see that you are eager to do the same.

Keep emphasizing that you are both on the same team with the same goal: to ensure success for the child.

Parents usually want to help their child but are unsure of what to do.

Even if you think it should be obvious, give them suggestions for what to do at home. They can read to or with their child every day. They can help their child play games to memorize math facts. They can look over their child’s homework and either explain confusing questions themselves or let you know if there is a need for more explanation.

If there are other resources offered by your school (web resources, parent resources, list of tutors), be prepared to share those with the parent.

TROUBLE-SHOOTING

DO NOT get into conversations about other students. If they ask questions about other students’ behavior, keep the focus on their child’s needs.

For example: is there something your child needs me to do to help with this situation? What is concerning you about your child’s friendship with another child? Please encourage your child to let me know about this behavior when it occurs.

Parents will often report bullying behavior to you, even if their child has not reported it. We do need to respond and take bullying seriously, but that does not mean that we need to tell other parents about the accused child’s situation. Try very hard to protect everyone’s privacy and confidentiality.

If they ask questions about other students’ academic levels, keep the focus on their child’s needs.

If they ask why their child is not getting some level of service (from a gifted specialist or another specialist), explain the criteria for service and let them know where their child is performing, but do not give any information about another student’s academic performance. Remember privacy and confidentiality.

As mentioned previously, ask what they believe that their child needs but may not be getting.

IF a parent is upset or angry, just be quiet and listen. While they are talking (or ranting), take deep breaths and try very hard to focus on the feeling behind their words.

Also try very hard to realize that you are just the “front line” — their frustration and anger may be directed at you, but not really be about you specifically. It may be coming from years of frustration or anger about what they perceive is not being done for their child, frustration with not knowing how to handle their child’s needs themselves, or other stresses impacting their family life. Sometimes they just need to vent.

When they calm down (which sometimes ends in tears — have tissues ready), express calm sympathy for their frustration. Then let them know that you care about their feelings and their child and you want to work together to help solve some of the problems.

In rare cases, parents or caregivers may become so irate that they make disparaging or threatening comments to you. In those cases, calmly stand up and tell them that this conference needs to end now and that you will be happy to meet with them again when you have an administrator present.

If they do not stand up and leave your meeting space, you may need to walk out the door and to another teacher’s meeting space or to the office. See above tip for why and when to schedule potentially angry parents.

Understand that some parents may not be able to attend conferences at the times you have set due to their work schedules. People who are paid hourly have to take unpaid time off to visit the school for conferences.

If you are comfortable and if your administrator approves, consider having a brief conference with the parent during their dinner break at their workplace (if it is a public building, such as a hospital or restaurant where other people are around), or at a local restaurant, fast food place or coffee shop. This way, you can talk and share in a less threatening place and the parent can get back to work quickly.

Another option, if your administrator approves, is to have a telephone conference.

LAST TIPS

Believe it or not, parents are often worried about these conferences more than you are.

Even if you do not believe that this parent is doing a great job, they are probably doing the best they can, given their circumstances, and they love their child more than you may think. Coming to an intimidating place, like a school, to hear potentially negative things about their beloved child is very threatening. Be empathetic.

Think about how you might like to receive negative news about your own child. If you don’t have children, think about a child in your life or in your family that you love. How would you want to hear news about that child? What would you want the teacher to say about how they will help?

*Remember — you ARE the expert on children in the age band that you teach. You may not feel like an expert, but you probably know more than the parents do about what children at this age should be able to do independently and you certainly know more about curriculum expectations for children at this grade level.

Be positive, be clear with any data, be respectful, listen to them, and be confident! You’ve got this!

12 Things Parents Want Teachers to Know

As a teacher and a mom, I have been on both sides of the parent-teacher conference table. Here are a few thoughts from the parent’s side of the table.

1 – my child means the world to me. Please love and appreciate them and find the good in them, even when it’s difficult.

2 – please get to know my child and what makes them unique and special.

3 – please try not to judge my parenting. Very often, we’re doing the very best we can as a family. If you need us to do something specific, please tell us that directly. We need suggestions instead of judgment.

4 – please let me know specific things my child is doing well (instead of general praise, like “He’s doing great!”). I want to reinforce the good things my child is doing.

5 – please be honest with me about where my child is performing. If they are not performing on grade level in any subject, please let me know that.

6 – please let me know specific things I can do at home to help my child if they are not doing well in some area (besides “get a tutor”).

7 – please don’t talk negatively about my child to other people. Think about how you would want your own child to be treated.

8 – please welcome me into your classroom and into the school.

9 – please address any bullying in your classroom.

10 – please think about the value of the homework you assign. (From the education research: elementary students need to spend most of their homework time reading – not doing worksheets/activities about reading – and some math practice.) Anything more than 30-45 minutes is overkill and puts stress on everyone.

11 – please look for other areas in which my child is doing well and tell me about them. Are they kind to everyone? Do they work well with others? Are they creative in their thinking? Do they show artistic or mechanical talent in some way? Test scores don’t measure those important skills. Help me reinforce the good in my child.

12 – please don’t ask me to send in cupcakes or a plain t-shirt (or anything else that might require a trip to the store) by tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m. We are often on tight time schedules during the week. Please give us a few day’s (or a week’s) notice.

If you’re a parent, what else would you suggest? Teachers want to know!

10 Things Teachers Want Parents to Know

Parents, do you ever wonder what teachers really care about? Here are 10 things teachers want parents to know:

1 – please get your child to school on time. Coming in late gets your child’s day started on the wrong foot and often leads to stress and anxiety.

2 – let us know about family issues that may affect your child at school (a move, a family member’s illness or death, separation/divorce, a pet’s illness or death).

3 – we need your help. Listen to your child, yes, but also listen to what we tell you about what is happening at school. We are not judging you so please do not make excuses for your child. We need to work together to help your child overcome hurdles.

4 – understand that we are in this profession because we care about children and truly want the best for your child. Please listen to what we have to say before automatically believing your child’s side of the story. (Most children are motivated to NOT get in trouble, so their side of the story will understandably be a little skewed. It’s not a bad thing, but please understand that you probably need to get more perspective on what happened.)

5 – know that if we ask you for support in some area, we are not asking you to “fix” or to punish your child. We need your suggestions for how to help them overcome their current challenge.

6 – please keep us posted with any changes in how you can be reached (by phone or email).

7 – please ask us how you can help us in the classroom. Sometimes we need volunteers to help with specific activities, sometimes we need extra snacks provided for students who are hungry. Sometimes we just need a pat on the back! But the offer to help in some way lets us know that you value the work we do.

8 – please read any communication that is sent home from school. Whether it’s paper, an email newsletter, a text message — please read it. We are making every effort to keep the communication channels open. We need you to meet us halfway.

9 – please return any forms (permission slips, conference time requests, etc.) as soon as you possibly can.

10 – read to your child as many evenings as you can — even when they are reading independently. Make reading enjoyable and something you do together. Not only does this give you valuable “quality time” with your child, but it models the importance of literacy.

Back to School After a Break

It’s always good to have some kind of classroom reset when coming back to school after a break. But an expected break due to weather might need even more of a reset.

My beautiful state was recently hit hard by Hurricane Florence and Tropical Storm Michael. In my town, we were spared the worst of the storm in terms of devastation, but we still missed several days of school. We know that some parts of our state and region are out of school “until further notice”.

I was SO proud of my students today. For our #classroombookaday, we read What Do You Do With a Problem? This book talks about every problem having an opportunity. My fifth graders were all asking, “how can we help?”

If/when your community has been impacted by a natural disaster, here are five ways to build community when you return to school.

1 – Use read-alouds to generate conversation.

2 – Allow students to tell their stories, verbally, in writing, or both.

3 – Try to keep the focus on how your students “survived” and were resilient. How can they extend this resilience into other areas of their lives?

4 – Try to keep the focus on helping others. No matter how bad things are, someone else is always in a worse place.

I was struck by this lesson a few years ago when I was working as an instructional coach in a low-income school in my state. Most of these students received free breakfast and lunch, and backpacks of food for the weekend. Some were homeless. Most students in the school were in a constant state of food insecurity and some were in a state of home insecurity.

Yet, when a tornado hit a school in Oklahoma, these students were all about creating a project to raise money to help the students in Oklahoma. I realized something important — helping others gave them “power”. Not necessarily power OVER other people, but the power to DO something to help others. I was changed forever by seeing their reaction to others’ tragedy.

5 – As important as it is to allow students to talk and share, it is also important to get back on track and into the predictable routines of school as soon as possible. Children (and probably all of us) thrive on structure and routine, so the more quickly you can get “back to normal” in your classroom, the safer the students will feel. This is also a good time to review your classroom expectations and norms, trying to focus on the positive things your students are doing.

Do you have other ideas or suggestions! Please share!

The First Six Weeks of School

The start of school is well underway by now, and I’m taking a moment to stop and reflect on the first six weeks.

If you have never heard of or read anything from the Responsive Classroom, I suggest that you check out their work. One of the most influential books I have read in my career is Teaching Children to Care: Classroom Management for Ethical & Academic Growth, K-8 by Ruth Sidney Charney.

In this book, Ruth talks about the importance of the first six weeks/30 school days and how it takes this long to build community and to establish the routines and norms of the classroom. While we also begin to teach content during this time, we need to remember that we are still in a process of getting to know our students as people and as learners. We are also still teaching OUR routines and the norms of how we treat others in our classroom.

If your school, like mine, has school-wide rules or behavior guidelines, we still need to identify what those guidelines look like and sound like in our own individual classrooms.

Due to the Labor Day holiday and some missed days due to weather events, we have had only two “full weeks” of school (being in school all five days). This week I found myself frustrated a few times, thinking “they should know how to do this by now” when it came to routines and procedures. Then I caught myself thinking back to Ruth’s words in Teaching Children to Care:

I spend the first six weeks of school teaching my children how to behave. It rarely takes less time, sometimes it takes more. It takes six weeks even when many of the students were in the same class last year, and have been in the same school for several years. I cannot presume that what was so clear last year is remembered and accepted this year. I start again. I do not apologize for this use of time. It is not a waste, not a waystation along a more important course of educational mastery. It is the critical foundation of learning. It is the first curriculum. I call it “classroom management.”

I then looked at my calendar and counted up how many days we have actually been in school. We were on day 21. I relaxed, realizing that we are still in “training” mode and that it’s okay to be where we are. That does not mean that I don’t continue to reinforce/remind/redirect. And that we don’t continue to practice routines as needed. It just means that we are still in the earliest stage of school, getting to know each other and defining how our classroom will work together.

I also took my own advice and made a list of all that is going well so far.

In addition, I checked my list of community-building activities which I have collected through the years and decided to do these eight activities in the next two weeks:

1 – Start a “wonder wall”. This idea is described more fully in The Curious Classroom by Harvey “Smokey” Daniels. Kids can add their own wonderings or questions for which they want to find answers.

You could find bits of time during your week for students to research their own wonderings, or you could make this an anchor activity to go to when they have some free time. I am going to implement some form of Genius Hour this year to allow time for students to research their wonderings, even if it’s more like Genius Half-Hour!

2 – Create/revisit identity maps. This idea also comes from Harvey Daniels’ book The Curious Classroom as well as Sara K. Ahmed’s new book Being the Change. For this activity, you model your own identity map/web with such topics as: personality traits, physical features, family, culture, ethnicity, languages spoken, religion, nationality, favorite foods, age, gender, traditions, hobbies, things you love, what you are trying to be better at doing.

Then students make their own maps and share them with partners or small groups before sharing more with the whole class. We already did this during the first week of school and it was very powerful as kids shared part of their maps. It’s time to revisit them and see what we could add.

3 – A couple of afternoons a week, I will jot down every child’s name & a few notes about them. Nothing fancy, just a list of what I’m thinking or have noticed so far. This shows me a lot about who is getting my attention and focus (and for what), and who may need more attention from me. (If I don’t have much to say about them, I probably need to work on getting to know them better.)

4 – Here is a similar tip. I’m not sure where I first heard this idea, but I have done it numerous times and it’s always interesting. On your drive home, say the names of each of your students. Count them off as you say the names. If there is anyone you cannot name without referring to your class list — that’s the kid to pay close attention to tomorrow.

5 – Use dialogue journals with your students. You might offer some prompts for them to respond to, but I encourage my students to tell me whatever they want to tell me. Make it a safe space for students to write to you and tell you what they want to share. When I respond to the journals, usually the response is written. However, sometimes I think the issue needs a longer conversation and I will find some time to talk privately with the student.

6 – Greet your students at the door every day when they enter your class. Just smiling and saying “good morning”, “I’m glad you’re here” start the day or the class off right for both you and the student. Saying phrases like that actually make you have a positive attitude toward the child you are greeting (even if you did not have such a positive attitude toward them when you saw them). This is also important to do when you change classes. This gives students a “reset” if something negative happened earlier in the day.

7 – Include your students’ interests in your lessons wherever possible. For example, if a math problem involves cupcakes, you can mention your students who love to bake. If a soccer game is mentioned in a book you’re sharing, you might mention your students who play soccer or who like soccer.

8 – Consider using social media with your class. Set up a class Twitter account or Instagram account. Keep it private for just your students and families, especially if you post photos. Including your students’ ideas as you write a daily post is a great way to review, share memories together, and include parents in the learning process.

I am looking forward to an awesome year with this, my 21st class of students. I hope these tips will help you reflect and reset for an awesome year as well!

#classroombookaday – a read aloud activity

Reading aloud to students has many positive benefits – not only for literacy development but also for building classroom community. One of the best ideas I have found for incorporating more opportunities to read aloud is called #classroombookaday, created by Jillian Heise. Read Jillian’s post about getting started here.

I decided to try out Jillian’s idea this year since I love reading aloud to my classes. My students always say that it is one of their favorite parts of the day. Using picture books also intrigued me, since many teachers stop reading picture books past the early grades. So many picture books have complex themes and topics, yet the illustrations make them seem more accessible to kids. I thought that if Jillian had such great success with her middle schoolers, this would be a good thing for my fifth graders. And that has proven to be true!

Every day, I start our day with a favorite picture book. It helps to read the book in advance so that you can put extra expression or drama into certain parts and so that you can keep certain pictures hidden to build suspense. The picture books I have used so far include several books about growth mindset and being kind, but we will read many books this year. Follow me on Instagram to see the daily book title I am sharing with my class.

Reading aloud has been, without a doubt, the single most important thing I have done in classrooms. Reading aloud to students, especially if you have just met them, helps connect and build a “bond” with the students. It is important to do when you first meet students, at your very first class session with them, and then every day after that. In fact, on the rare occasions when I thought I didn’t have time for reading aloud, my students have always complained and somehow our class time did not go as well as planned. Somehow, this time together sets the tone for our work of the day and ends up giving us more productive time together. Reading aloud brings us together, it helps us relax and focus. I have wondered if any studies are showing that being read has the same effects as meditation?

Besides the social-emotional benefits, the literacy benefits of reading aloud are too strong to ignore. Many studies are showing that students (of any age) score higher on standardized tests. They are better readers and writers, with stronger vocabularies. The benefits are even greater when students have opportunities to talk to others about the read-aloud (through turn & talk or other small group or partner sharing).

Teachers often say that they don’t have the time to read aloud. I get that. The school day is jam-packed and districts often dictate exactly how many minutes are to be devoted to literacy lessons, word study, etc. But try to find just five minutes and see what happens in your classroom. Even if you read for a couple of minutes at the beginning of the class and a few minutes at the end, it’s better than nothing and your students will still benefit.

Other texts to read aloud, besides picture books and novels: news articles, the daily Wonder from Wonderopolis, book reviews, information from author websites. Be creative! What texts will give your students the background knowledge and information they need?

Don’t feel the need to teach the experience to death. I find it more helpful to just read the book aloud for enjoyment, let kids discuss with partners/small groups, and then share with the whole group. Often kids will point out the connections between something in the book and some other content you have taught (figurative language, foreshadowing, facts from a content area). Even if they do not, you might jot down what “tempted” you to stop and point it out, THEN refer back to the read-aloud book when you are teaching that content at another time of the day.

Use your favorite picture books, but also be on the lookout for the new and notable. Check out your local public library and your school library for new titles (or titles that are new to you). Also, get suggestions from your students! They often have favorite books that other students have not heard before.

Consider creating a theme of the month or theme of the year with your titles. My themes for the first nine weeks of school are kindness, growth mindset, and making the world a better place. Here are some of my favorite titles for the beginning of the year.

If you need to share the research on the benefits of reading aloud with administrators, coaches, or parents, here is a link to a blog post by Donalyn Miller (aka, the “Book Whisperer”)

I would love to hear your feedback about reading aloud to your students!

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