If you are a teacher, you are probably scheduling or will soon schedule conferences with your student’s parents or caregivers. Here are some tips to make this a positive and productive experience!
One note: when the word “parents” is used in this post, it refers to any adult who is in a parenting or caregiving role for the child.
SCHEDULING
First, you need to schedule conferences. This may seem simple but it can make a big difference in your stress level! While you should offer many time slots at varying times of the day (including at least one evening), you do not have to schedule yourself like an airport runway.
Plug in conferences that you believe will be “easy” (i.e., the student is doing well academically and emotionally, parents are supportive) at any time.
For the parents that you believe might be more time demanding, schedule the conference either between two other conferences (so that you have an excuse to end their conference at the scheduled time), OR leave unscheduled time after their time slot (if you believe you and the parent will truly need more time to discuss the child’s needs).
If there are parents that you suspect may be angry or unreasonable, schedule carefully. Make sure that there will be other teachers nearby who are also having conferences at the same time (next door, across the hall — NOT just in the next wing). You may also want to ensure that an administrator will be in the building during the time of that conference.
If/when your school offers evening conference times (which they really should do), make sure you are scheduling conferences during the time frame that other people are also in the building.
PREPARING FOR CONFERENCES
When you send your conference schedule times home, consider sending a form with questions for the conference as well. It’s best to leave the questions open-ended to allow for a variety of responses.
Examples include: What are your specific academic questions? What are your specific social-emotional questions? What questions do you have about the curriculum/academic expectations? What questions do you have about your child’s work habits? What other resources do you need?
This helps you to identify what the parent is most concerned about and what should be addressed during the conference. Sometimes they have very specific questions or concerns that may not get addressed in a standard conference unless you know what they would like to discuss.
Your school or grade level team may have specific data points you should share with parents at conferences. Examples might include literacy assessment data, math assessment data, etc. Find out what you need to share and print or copy the information you need.
Prepare for the conference by “studying” in advance. Make some notes about the child that you would like to share with the parents, include relevant data, and notes about what the parent asked on the form mentioned above. You don’t need to have a lot to study, but make sure you review it quickly before you meet with parents. (This is similar to how doctors review your chart data before your appointment.)
Create a note sheet or checklist for the conference. This will help keep you focused on all discussion points.
You might just use a spiral bound notebook for these notes. Turn to a fresh page for each individual conference. This helps keep you focused on all the things to be discussed and allows for space to take notes on information the parent shares as well as requests they might make.
CONFERENCE TIPS
Create an inviting area for parents to wait. You might put some chairs in the hall. Consider what is on the walls in the hall for them to look at and read. Make sure it is something somewhat current! Also, consider having a writing project displayed as that gives more to read. A board or sign that welcomes parents is also a nice touch.
Create an inviting space for the conference. Avoid sitting at your small group instruction table with parents on the other side. Sit at a student table or at desks pushed together in a cluster. This puts you and the parents in more of a “same team” posture.
After greeting the parent, ask a general question about how the year is going so far for their child. Similar to the questions asked in advance, this allows the parent to let you know what is uppermost in their mind to discuss.
ALWAYS start by saying something especially good about the child. It does not have to be an academic strength. Mention something that you really appreciate about the child or tell a brief story that shares something the child did in the classroom that illustrates your point.
This automatically puts both parents and teachers in a positive frame of mind about the child and about how to work together for the child’s benefit.
When you need to share some kind of academic or behavioral concern, explain with as much objective data as you can.
Keep in mind that no parent wants to hear that their child is not “measuring up” in some way. That does not mean that you should not be honest with them and tell them exactly where their child is performing. However, you can talk in more positive terms about what you and other teachers are doing (or will do) to help the child with the need.
If it is a behavioral concern, do the same thing but I think it’s also helpful to ask the parent for suggestions or tips. Tell them that they are the expert on their child and that you need their help because you want to help their child do/be their very best. Most parents will be eager to try to help, especially when they see that you are eager to do the same.
Keep emphasizing that you are both on the same team with the same goal: to ensure success for the child.
Parents usually want to help their child but are unsure of what to do.
Even if you think it should be obvious, give them suggestions for what to do at home. They can read to or with their child every day. They can help their child play games to memorize math facts. They can look over their child’s homework and either explain confusing questions themselves or let you know if there is a need for more explanation.
If there are other resources offered by your school (web resources, parent resources, list of tutors), be prepared to share those with the parent.
TROUBLE-SHOOTING
DO NOT get into conversations about other students. If they ask questions about other students’ behavior, keep the focus on their child’s needs.
For example: is there something your child needs me to do to help with this situation? What is concerning you about your child’s friendship with another child? Please encourage your child to let me know about this behavior when it occurs.
Parents will often report bullying behavior to you, even if their child has not reported it. We do need to respond and take bullying seriously, but that does not mean that we need to tell other parents about the accused child’s situation. Try very hard to protect everyone’s privacy and confidentiality.
If they ask questions about other students’ academic levels, keep the focus on their child’s needs.
If they ask why their child is not getting some level of service (from a gifted specialist or another specialist), explain the criteria for service and let them know where their child is performing, but do not give any information about another student’s academic performance. Remember privacy and confidentiality.
As mentioned previously, ask what they believe that their child needs but may not be getting.
IF a parent is upset or angry, just be quiet and listen. While they are talking (or ranting), take deep breaths and try very hard to focus on the feeling behind their words.
Also try very hard to realize that you are just the “front line” — their frustration and anger may be directed at you, but not really be about you specifically. It may be coming from years of frustration or anger about what they perceive is not being done for their child, frustration with not knowing how to handle their child’s needs themselves, or other stresses impacting their family life. Sometimes they just need to vent.
When they calm down (which sometimes ends in tears — have tissues ready), express calm sympathy for their frustration. Then let them know that you care about their feelings and their child and you want to work together to help solve some of the problems.
In rare cases, parents or caregivers may become so irate that they make disparaging or threatening comments to you. In those cases, calmly stand up and tell them that this conference needs to end now and that you will be happy to meet with them again when you have an administrator present.
If they do not stand up and leave your meeting space, you may need to walk out the door and to another teacher’s meeting space or to the office. See above tip for why and when to schedule potentially angry parents.
Understand that some parents may not be able to attend conferences at the times you have set due to their work schedules. People who are paid hourly have to take unpaid time off to visit the school for conferences.
If you are comfortable and if your administrator approves, consider having a brief conference with the parent during their dinner break at their workplace (if it is a public building, such as a hospital or restaurant where other people are around), or at a local restaurant, fast food place or coffee shop. This way, you can talk and share in a less threatening place and the parent can get back to work quickly.
Another option, if your administrator approves, is to have a telephone conference.
LAST TIPS
Believe it or not, parents are often worried about these conferences more than you are.
Even if you do not believe that this parent is doing a great job, they are probably doing the best they can, given their circumstances, and they love their child more than you may think. Coming to an intimidating place, like a school, to hear potentially negative things about their beloved child is very threatening. Be empathetic.
Think about how you might like to receive negative news about your own child. If you don’t have children, think about a child in your life or in your family that you love. How would you want to hear news about that child? What would you want the teacher to say about how they will help?
*Remember — you ARE the expert on children in the age band that you teach. You may not feel like an expert, but you probably know more than the parents do about what children at this age should be able to do independently and you certainly know more about curriculum expectations for children at this grade level.
Be positive, be clear with any data, be respectful, listen to them, and be confident! You’ve got this!
