Setting Boundaries

I’ve been obsessing a lot about boundaries recently.

(Do you ever have something on your mind – like boundaries – and then suddenly you start noticing things about that topic everywhere? Or is it just me?!)

Last week I enjoyed attending the “Teach Your Heart Out” virtual conference.

One of my favorite presenters – Gerry Brooks – gave a keynote address and he talked about some of the very same things that have been my obsession.

One of his points was about the saying “Not my circus, not my monkeys”. While he had a lot more to say about this, I got to thinking about it in reference to boundaries.

When COVID hit and we were all suddenly working from home, we quickly realized we needed to set some boundaries. Taking care of our own mental health by setting boundaries for work hours and for our availability suddenly became really important. We also realized that there were so many things that were totally out of our control – “not my circus, not my monkeys.” (That doesn’t mean that we weren’t worried about those things — just that we could do absolutely nothing about them.)

But setting boundaries is important all the time, not just during a pandemic and virtual learning. So how do we set them and how do we stick to them?

Summer break is important for lots of reasons, but most especially because it gives educators a chance to take a break. Even if we’re teaching summer school, creating curriculum, or attending professional development sessions, at least it’s a break from what we do during the school year.

We can’t be productive and go 100 mph all the time. Think about nature. There is a time for trees and flowers to bloom and a time for them to be more dormant. Ocean tides ebb and flow. Bears hibernate. Even our school year has an ebb and flow to it. We accept that in nature but we don’t always give ourselves the same grace to just “be.”

Part of this comes from reading books and viewing social media posts that make it seem as if everyone else is hustling and creating and doing and making things for their classroom next year and just generally being so much more productive than you think you are being. So you feel guilty or feel like there is something wrong with you.

There is nothing wrong with you! If reading those books is stressing you out, put them away and read them at another time (or never if that’s better for you).

If the social media accounts are making you feel like a slug, unfollow them for a while (or forever if that’s better for you).

You’ve probably heard Parkinson’s law: work expands to fill the time available. I would also add that people will happily take all the time and energy you want to give them.

You know as well as I do that when you are tired or stressed or overwhelmed or anxious, you are not your best self and end up making mistakes that don’t do anyone any favors. So it’s up to you to set the boundaries you need to preserve your own time and energy.

To be the very best teacher, parent, partner, friend, etc. you can be — you need to prioritize yourself and your own needs first. The only way to do that is to make a plan because the best defense is a good offense.

Here are 5 tips for setting boundaries:

1 – avoid anything that is making you feel guilty or lazy or unproductive. Just because someone else appears to be working or creating constantly, that doesn’t mean you need to be.

Other teachers might appear to be creating “all the things”. If you’re not ready for that yet, don’t do it! And don’t feel guilty. “Not your circus, not your monkeys.” At least not right now.

I know you know this, but here’s your reminder about social media: you’re only seeing their “highlight reel” of what they’re doing or creating. You’re not seeing them in their pajamas eating ice cream on the couch while watching Netflix. Remember that they are no doubt taking downtime too – they just might not be documenting that part of their lives, nor do they need to!

Stop reading the posts or just unfollow for a while if that is what’s best for you.

2 – schedule rest. I love Kendra Adachi’s book The Lazy Genius Way: Embrace What Matters, Ditch What Doesn’t, & Get Stuff Done.

One of my favorite of her “Lazy Genius Principles” is to schedule rest. We’re so good about scheduling everything we need to get done – appointments, meetings, social events. But it’s also a good idea to schedule “white space” in your calendar or planner for just resting or allowing yourself to do whatever makes you happy when you get to that time.

When your scheduled rest time is planned, let go of all the other things you might be thinking you should be doing. That stuff is scheduled for another time. Right now it’s “not my circus, not my monkeys.”

3 – If you haven’t already done so, plan your summer! (It’s never too late, even if you only have another week left.) Read my posts about planning your summer fun, relaxation, and obligations HERE and HERE.

4 – say no to anything that drains your energy. Cut back on your kids’ activities, let go of some home tasks (or get help from someone else to get them done), avoid spending time with people who stress you out or drain your energy. “Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

5 – try some of my summer rejuvenation tips from THIS post. “Not my circus, not my monkeys” – not every tip works for everyone. Only choose the ones that YOU want to do and let the rest go!