During the past few weeks, I have listened to three different people as they told me about personal situations that are extremely difficult. During each of these conversations, I felt so helpless.
Feeling helpless is really hard for me. As a mom and a teacher, my first instinct is to make suggestions for how to fix things or how to move forward. Sometimes my instinct is even to fix it myself. But in each of these situations, there was very little I could do to fix it. Have you ever felt that way?
“Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” ~Galatians 6:2
This verse from Galatians kept coming to mind during those conversations. Whenever I hear something over and over or am reminded of something over and over, I believe that God is speaking to me in some way. As I sat there, listening to people I love tell me about life-changing and painful situations, and feeling so helpless, I wondered if I was doing anything to help.
So how can we share each other’s burdens? Here are some of my thoughts. I would love to hear what you think.
1 – Listen. Just be quiet and listen. Let them talk. Let them tell me all about their painful situation without my input about what is going on in my own life. This isn’t about me right now. Just listen and be present for them in this moment.
2 – In addition to listening, I also need to actively listen. Don’t look at my phone. I need to maintain eye contact, nod, lean in toward them, and interrupt only to ask clarifying questions. Let them know that I am 100% focused on them at this moment.
3 – Pray. Simple prayers like, “help me with this”, “tell me what to say”, “be with _____ right now” are fine. Another verse I love:
“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know how we ought to pray, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words.” ~Romans 8:26
4 – Allow them to name their narrative instead of using a narrative that makes me feel more comfortable. I am currently reading Emily P. Freeman’s latest book, The Next Right Thing.
Emily says:
“As people who put their trust in Jesus, sometimes we don’t know what to say when we see someone going through an impossible time. Instead of giving them space to name their own narratives, we rush them into a narrative that makes us feel more comfortable . . . saying phrases like, ‘God is in control’ or ‘Consider it all joy!’ or ‘God works all things together for good.’ He is, it is, and he does. But we are all on our own journey of living into those truths. We would do well to create space for others to walk a little way into that truth and begin to name their own narratives in time. We would do well to give ourselves that same space too.”
So my advice to myself is this: Just listen. Hold a hand or give a hug. Just be present with them in the hard place and reassure them of my love and care.
What else do you do to share others’ burdens? I would love to hear your thoughts.