The term “self-care” seems to be everywhere (including on this blog!), but what does it really mean? Is self-care being selfish or overly focused on your own needs?
To me, self-care is all about taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually SO THAT you can meet others’ needs. It keeps us healthy, happy and balanced. Self-care is what enables us to keep going and to be more effective teachers, moms, wives, or friends, plus doing all the things we do to keep everything going.
Think about when you are at your best and being the best teacher or wife/mom or friend. What helps you to be YOUR best? I’ll bet it’s not staying up until 1 a.m.. watching Netflix or scrolling through social media. It’s not from spending hours and hours doing things for other people so that you’re stressed and crabby. You’re at your best for other people when you are also taking care of YOU.
While some self-care activities take longer than others, practicing self-care does not need to take a lot of time away from other people in your life. And it definitely is not selfish. The best analogy I’ve heard about self-care is that of comparing self-care to what flight attendants tell you about putting on your own oxygen mask before helping your child with their mask. It’s very difficult to be your best self for other people and take care of them if you are not taking care of yourself. And if you don’t put yourself on your to-do list, you will always be your own last priority.
The goal is to make self-care part of what you naturally do throughout the day.
Many self-care activities or practices may be activities that you already do, but did not think of it as self-care. Some examples include: exercising, reading a devotional passage or some inspirational book, giving someone a hug, drinking enough water. Now think about how you feel when you have done one of those activities. Does it make you feel better in some way? How do you feel toward other people? Anything that gives you more energy and a desire to help other people cannot possibly be selfish. It’s healthy and helpful, both for you and for those you love.
I quote Regie Routman a lot on this blog and in my work with other teachers. In her latest book, Literacy Essentials, she writes about many important aspects of teaching and learning, but one of my favorite parts is her reminder that we have to live full and interesting lives in order to be and do our best as teachers. This is wise advice for everyone, regardless of your career or if you are a parent.
In the section of the book on “Engagement – Creating a Thriving Learning Environment”, Regie writes about the importance of living an interesting life. She says that,
“How we live our lives outside of school matters . . . To foster a healthy social, emotional, and intellectual environment in our schools, we need to model that culture through our own actions.”
In giving specific advice on this topic, Regie advises prioritizing. She says:
“Time is always in short supply. To find the time to do the things we love, we often have to let something go . . . I also make time to read every day. . . As well, just about every day I write something that feels important to me. And yet. I still have unpacked boxes from a move to Seattle 14 years ago, my closets are disorganized, the oven needs cleaning, and my house will never be a dust-free zone. I will get to those chores as best I can, but they are rarely my top priorities.”
Regie tells a great story about what she learned about teaching and living from taking up tennis. Her primary purpose was to be able to play with her 16-year-old granddaughter. One of the lessons she learned was that having fun makes YOU feel good. Although getting exercise was an initial motivation, she soon realized that having fun overtook every other reason for playing, and made her happy.
“If we are investing a lot of effort and time into teaching and learning, shouldn’t joy be a by-product for both us and our students?”
Another lesson Regie learned was that doing something for yourself is a luxury AND a necessity. She talks about how life demands and guilt keep her from treating herself to things that are just for her. It was a surprise to find how great it felt to indulge in an enjoyable pursuit that was purely personal.
“Following a pleasurable, self-chosen pursuit continues to lift my spirits and give me energy to deal with the “hard stuff” life offers. Investing time in what brings us joy — whether it’s reading, biking, painting, baking, creating, and so on — gives our lives richness and balance.”
Doing the things that make us happy and that feed our souls will make us better in every other part of our lives.
A question to ask yourself — what do you need right now? Do you need a few minutes of peace and quiet? Do you need to talk with someone else? Asking yourself what you need right now, and then doing some self-care task that will help meet that need,. will make a huge difference for you.
Here is a simple list, organized by physical activities (for when you are feeling tired or unmotivated) and mental activities (for when you need clarity, focus, or are feeling frustrated). I’ve also listed activities by the amount of time they will take. Many of the activities are in both categories because they are beneficial in many ways!
Take a look and start small. Maybe choose one thing from both the physical and mental categories that you will try to do TODAY. Add more activities whenever you want! Remember that the goal is to make self-care something that you do naturally throughout the day.
Physical activities – (for when you are feeling tired or unmotivated)
1 – 5 minutes:
*Drink a big glass of water, flavored with lemon or lime if you like. \Benefits of staying hydrated all day: helps all internal organs work more efficiently, flushes out toxins and waste, increases your metabolism, increases your focus, and boosts energy levels.
*Open your curtains or blinds or just step outside for some fresh air and sunshine. Benefits: boosts your mood, makes you feel happier, and increases your body’s level of vitamin D.
*Eat a healthy snack (raw vegetables, fruit, nuts, cheese stick, whatever fits your healthy diet plan). Benefits: curbs cravings, regulates mood, and boosts brain power.
*Drink some good coffee or hot tea. Benefits of drinking a warm beverage: it slows you down & helps you relax, it keeps you hydrated, and the smell alone can make you feel happier.
*Put on your favorite comfy clothes.
*Call, text, or make plans to get together with someone you enjoy.
*Pet a dog or cat or some other furry creature. Benefits: it helps you relax by lowering heart rate and blood pressure.
*Make a list of things you do well or things you have accomplished recently. It doesn’t matter if the accomplishment is small — if you’re proud that you did it, list it anyway! According to Forbes.com, it is the one thing successful people do every day! Read more about that here.
*Light a favorite candle. Benefits: favorite scents help you relax and feel calm.
*Do some stretching exercises. Benefits: increases blood flow to your muscles, relieves stress, and calms your mind.
*Write down ten things that you are grateful for or ten things that are going well in your life and work. Benefits: helps you feel more relaxed, resilient and happier.
*Write in a journal. Write whatever comes to mind. This is similar to morning pages, but it doesn’t have to be done in the morning! Benefits: it helps you process and cope with stress and relieves anxiety.
*Do legs up the wall pose – Benefits: it triggers the relaxation response, increases circulation and stretches your hamstrings and lower back. See how to do it here!
*Ask for help. Can someone else do some task instead of you doing it?
*Pray. Remember that you are not in charge.
5-15 minutes
*Take a long shower or bubble bath, using good smelling products.
*Read 5-10 pages of an inspiring or motivational book.
*Take a walk with someone you love. (This might include your dog.)
*Take a walk by yourself.
*Do some yoga poses to stretch and relax your body. See my Pinterest board for suggestions.
*Buy yourself some flowers or a new plant.
*Watch something new to you on Netflix.
*Bake something! You don’t have to eat it all yourself. You can always give it away or take it in to the office for co-workers to enjoy.
*Try a new healthy recipe.
*Try a new restaurant, cafe or coffee shop.
30-60 minutes
*Get a massage.
*Get a manicure or pedicure or both!
*Take a nap.
Mental clarity (for when you’re frustrated or your mind feels jumbled)
1 – 5 minutes
*Look at photos of happy memories with family or friends.
*Make a list of positive affirmations and read them or recite them to yourself throughout the day. This feels silly at first, but you will find that encouraging yourself with positive affirmations helps you believe what you are telling yourself.
*Meditate. Try using the apps Headspace or Calm.
*Do a “brain dump” of everything that is on your mind. Somehow just getting everything out of your head and onto the page makes me feel better.
*Make a to-do list of just three items. When you finish those three, move on to adding three more.
*Turn off your phone and all notifications for a period of time that fits you. Maybe an hour? Maybe all day long?
*Make a list of things you do well or things you have accomplished recently. It doesn’t matter if the accomplishment is small — if you’re proud that you did it, list it anyway!
*Light a favorite candle.
*Write down ten things that you are grateful for or ten things that are going well in your life and work.
*Write in a journal. Write whatever comes to mind. This is similar to morning pages, but it doesn’t have to be done in the morning!
*Watch the sun rise.
*Watch the sun set.
*Ask for help. Can someone else do some task instead of you doing it?
*Pray. Remember that you are not in charge.
5-15 minutes
*Write morning pages, even if it’s not the morning! Get your journal, grab whatever paper you can find, or use your computer/tablet/phone. Whatever helps you to just write. Try to write for either a specific period of time (5-10 minutes) OR tell yourself to write one to three pages. Just write down whatever comes to mind. You don’t even have to keep this writing unless you want to. The point is to get everything out of your worried brain and onto the paper so that you can get some clarity and focus on what is most important to do next. Read more about writing morning pages from Julia Cameron here.
*Make your bed, hang up clothes, fold laundry, empty the dishwasher. Do some small, mindless tasks like these to bring order and calm to your surroundings
*Read 5-10 pages of an inspiring or motivational book.
*Take a walk with someone you love. (This might include your dog.)
*Take a walk by yourself.
*Do some yoga poses to stretch and relax your body.
*Clean or organize some area that bothers you. Only clean or organize one small part at a time OR work on it for just 15 minutes. You will feel energized and ready to come back to it and finish at another time.
*Think of something you want to learn how to do and find a video on youtube that teaches you how to do that. It could be something you want to learn to cook or bake, some craft you want to learn to do – whatever. Youtube is a great source of tutorials!
*If you’re not in the mood to learn something new, find a video on youtube that makes you laugh. It could be a stand-up comedy show or Saturday Night Live skits.
*Play a game or do a puzzle of some type. My family loves to play board games together, but I also love a good crossword, word search or Sudoku puzzle.
*Listen to a podcast.
30-60 minutes
*Make homemade pizza with friends or family.
*Get a manicure or pedicure or both!
*Go to a museum.
*Bake something! You don’t have to eat it all yourself. You can always give it away or take it in to the office for co-workers to enjoy.
*Try a new healthy recipe.
*Make a vision board. Use magazine photos and cardboard or go more high-tech and create your board on Google slides using online images.
*Plan a trip or a weekend getaway. Even if you can’t go any time soon, the joy is in the anticipation!
*Go through your closet or other area of your home and find items you can donate to a thrift shop. Giving things away while they still have value helps both you (it feels good to get rid of stuff you don’t use) and the recipients of your donation (who need what you’re giving away).
*Take a nap.
I hope this post has helped you to think about self-care in a new way! I would love to hear your ideas and suggestions for how you make self-care part of your daily life.