Here is something they didn’t teach you in teacher school: how to deal with the parents or caregivers of your students.
(To simplify this post, I will refer to a student’s grownups as “parents.”)
While many parents are lovely and will be great partners with you in their child’s education, others might be more . . . difficult to deal with.
In this post, I’ll tell you how to build good relationships, and then I’ll share some email and phone call templates that will help you respond to specific issues.
First of all, here are some ways to build good relationships from the start.
START WITH POSITIVE COMMUNICATION
Here are some ways to do that.
~Sending a brief note at back-to-school time in which you introduce yourself, tell a little bit about yourself (including your credentials such as degrees and licensures), and end with a comment about how you are looking forward to a great year together.
~Consider contacting one or two students’ parents each day for the first two or three weeks of school. This could be by text, email, or voice mail. Just say something about how you are enjoying getting to know their child and something positive that their child did at school (or some quality you appreciate in their child). Then encourage them to contact you if needed and say that you are looking forward to a great year together. Simple, and it goes a long way to build a positive relationship.
KEEP THE COMMUNICATION GOING ALL YEAR
This positive contact is so helpful that I would encourage you to do it every quarter.
~Send a newsletter every week or every couple of weeks. Yes, it’s frustrating when you put effort into this, and you find that parents don’t read it. But it’s better to send the information than to have parents say that you didn’t let them know about something happening at school or in your classroom.
Here are some tips for the newsletter:
*include updates about what students are learning with some possible suggestions for how to support that learning at home (even a simple suggestion like “ask your child to explain . . .” works for this).
*include student quotes in your newsletter. Have your students help explain what is happening in your class and include their quote and name. (This helps more parents actually read the newsletter.)
*include upcoming dates of interest as reminders (picture day, pajama day, school breaks, etc.)
BUILD RELATIONSHIPS WITH YOUR STUDENTS AND THEIR FAMILIES
~Find some way to celebrate your students’ birthdays. Some teachers give the birthday student a special pencil; some display a “Happy Birthday” sign; others have students create a birthday card or keepsake.
~Attend your students’ extracurricular events, if possible. Even if you can’t stay the entire time, making the effort to show up sends positive messages to your students and their families.
SET EMAIL & PHONE CALL BOUNDARIES
~Find out your district’s expectations for returning emails or phone calls. (It’s usually 24 hours, but some districts might say 48 hours.) Only send emails or make phone calls during “working” hours. It’s also okay to compose an email at some time that works for you, but then use the “schedule send” feature to send it during “working” hours.
~Do not respond immediately if you receive a hostile email or voicemail. If necessary, get input from a trusted colleague, mentor, or administrator. Once you are calm and have a measured response in mind, hold your reply until the last possible hour to respond. (If you respond immediately, they’ll expect instant communication from you every time.)
CREATE SOME EMAIL AND PHONE CALL TEMPLATES
~If you have to make a phone call about some undesirable behavior, here is a template you can use (adapt it to fit your style).
This is ________, your child __________’s teacher. No emergency, but I need to inform you about something that happened today.
Describe the behavior.
I know how much you care about ________’s work effort/respectful behavior, so I knew you would want to know right away.
This is what I am doing to help them learn from this experience.
Describe the consequence, focusing on it being a learning experience, not a punishment.
Do you have any questions or suggestions for me?
Thank you for your support. _________ is such a good student/person, and I am confident this will not be a problem again.
~If the parent asks about another student (since other students are often involved in “undesirable behavior”), let them know you cannot discuss other students with them. Still, make sure you assure them that you are dealing with anyone else involved in the behavior.
This article from We Are Teachers is a great one for creating “templates” for parent emails.
I’ve pulled some of the templates I think are most relevant for upper elementary teachers.
~First, some general tips for responding to parent emails:
*Thank them for their email or thank them for reaching out in your very first sentence. (Even if you’re not all that grateful, thank them for contacting you.)
*Validate their concerns. (Saying something simple like, “I can understand you’re upset about this” can help immensely.)
*Don’t agree to anything that feels “over the top” somehow. Check with other teachers or an administrator first.
~How to respond to the “I didn’t know about this test/event/field trip, etc.” email:
I’m sorry you were unaware of (test/event/field trip). I just checked to confirm that it was listed in (newsletter/email/website/school communication). Let me know if you have had access issues. I understand how that happens sometimes.
~How to respond to the “I don’t know why my child got this grade” email:
I’m happy to share more feedback with you on (student’s) areas for improvement. Let me know if today or tomorrow works better for me to call.
~How to respond to the “My child needs more homework” email:
It’s important to me that homework is meaningful and that each student is challenged appropriately. Here are some online resources and links to good workbooks I’ve gathered to extend learning at home . . .
Some suggestions to give parents:
*links to any online resources your district provides (for supplemental reading or math practice, math facts practice, etc.)
*a list of workbooks that are easily found on Amazon, in case they want to purchase something for their child.
Here are some suggestions:
IXL Math
5th grade
4th grade
third grade
Brain Quest
5th grade
4th grade
3rd grade
~How to respond to the “My child has too much homework/homework takes too long” email:
It’s important to me that homework is meaningful, not stressful. Thank you for letting me know. I have some ideas for your child. Let me know whether today or tomorrow works better for me to call.
~How to respond to the “My child told me about a negative interaction” email:
Thank you for letting me know about this. I’m sorry to hear that (their child’s name) was feeling (whatever emotion) about what happened today.
I’d like to make sure we’re on the same page as soon as possible. Let me know a good time to call you today.
~How to respond to the “We’re going on vacation. Will my child miss anything?” email:
This one annoys me the most. Sigh. But here’s a possible response:
I’m glad to hear that you have a fun family trip planned! Yes, your child will miss some learning opportunities as we will be finishing up our units on _________ and ________/reviewing _________/taking some assessments in (whatever subject).
You might suggest what they could take on their trip to help them review (if you can provide some worksheets, a science notebook to study their notes, etc.). You might also tell them when their child can make up any assessments (either before or after the trip).
~How to respond to the “We’re going on vacation. Can you send the classwork my child will miss?” email:
This one annoys me the second most. Sigh. Here we go:
I’m glad to hear that you have a fun family trip planned! It will be a great learning experience for your child. There will always be some learning opportunities missed at school, and most of them cannot be covered in a worksheet. Here’s what I suggest . . .
You could suggest things they could do independently to practice or review (multiplication facts, science notebook).
You could also suggest daily independent reading and journaling about their trip. Anything that doesn’t require work from you!
Many times, even when packets are sent home, they return to school largely incomplete. So don’t make this harder on yourself than it needs to be.
If they miss assessments, let the parents know what they will miss and when they can make it up (either before or after the trip).
And finally – I have a great book recommendation for you. How to Handle Difficult Parents by Suzanne Capek Tingley is an excellent (and funny) resource for handling difficult conversations.
As I mentioned before, many parents/caregivers will be great sources of support and your interactions will be pleasant. These suggestions are for the few parents who might be more challenging.
But for either kind of parent, keep in mind that, in general, they love their child and want only the best for them. Sometimes their comments to you are coming from their fear or concern about their child. Keep that in mind as you think about how to respond. Keep calm, keep the focus on helping the child, apologize when necessary, and carry on.
I’d love to hear how you used these suggestions! Email me at stillteachingstilllearning@gmail.com.
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