Common Sense Parenting – homework tips!

First, my usual disclaimer: I am not a parenting expert. But I have raised two children who are now successful, independent adults and who still love to spend time with their parents, so we must have done something right! But I am also an elementary school teacher with 28 years of experience. So I have seen a LOT in terms of parenting (many good things, some really stupid things). In previous posts, I shared tips for setting rules and consequences, and my tips for technology and extracurricular activities. In this post, I’ll share tips for developing good homework habits and answer some frequently asked questions.

Homework — ugh. Everyone hates it, even teachers. In this post, I will offer some tips for homework in elementary school, since I teach fifth grade.

There is a lot of research out there saying that homework has limited value in elementary school. I agree with that, except that I do think it’s important to establish good homework “routines” for kids during elementary school. Research says that 30 minutes for K-3 students and 45 minutes for students in 4th or 5th grade are good guidelines.

In my opinion, students need to leave elementary school as strong readers and with good math problem-solving skills. All homework in elementary school needs to lead to those goals. Therefore, the majority of homework time should be devoted to reading practice (actually reading, not doing activities “about” reading) and doing some math skills practice.

Links to homework research:
*This article talks about the right amount of homework for different ages.
*This article explains the research about the value of homework.
*This article goes more in-depth into the homework debate.

4 TIPS FOR ESTABLISHING GOOD HOMEWORK HABITS:
1 – Set up a time for homework that you stick to every day. It might be right after school (before being allowed to play), or it might be later in the afternoon or early evening, depending on your family schedule and your child’s needs.

2 – Set up a place for homework to be done, understanding that many kids like to be near other people when they are working on homework. During homework time, other distractions should be avoided (TV should be off, for instance, and younger siblings should be occupied in quiet play).

3 – Think about what you do before you sit down to get work done. You might get a drink of some kind, maybe a snack, and you make yourself comfortable. Teach your child to do the same things so that homework time is as pleasant as possible.

4 – Help your child to understand that going to school and doing their homework is their “job”, just like you have a job or chores to do at work or at home. Sometimes we enjoy parts of our job/chores and sometimes we don’t. But it’s important to get it done anyway.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

What should my child do during homework time?
Your child should complete whatever was assigned at school first. If that takes up the 30-45 minute block of time, then they’re done. If not, consider filling the rest of the time with math facts practice (I’m a fan of Reflex Math) and reading. Reading aloud to your child during this time is fine! (Some parents think that is “cheating” because the child is not doing the reading. However, they are hearing how fluent reading sounds and they are developing vocabulary and developing listening comprehension skills, which are also important. Try to read aloud books that your child might not yet be able to read on their own.)

What if I want my child to do more practice?
Some parents want teachers to assign more homework because they want “busy-work” to keep their child occupied. If you want more worksheet type stuff for your child to do independently, I suggest buying workbooks such as Summer Bridge Activities, Brain Quest, Kids’ Summer Activities, or any workbook you can find at Target, Barnes & Noble or Walmart. (I am also a big fan of the “Everything You Need. . .” books to use as resource help.)

Who should be doing the homework?
The answer is: your child should be doing it independently, although asking questions for clarification are fine. That’s why it’s often good for you to be nearby, but not hovering. If your child seems to daydream or just waste the time, break the homework down into smaller steps (i.e., do two problems, read one page, answer one question) and make it more do-able. (Some kids can do the work, they just get overwhelmed by the seemingly huge amount.) If they are just wasting time until their 30-45 minutes are over, tell them you will stop the timer for every time they are “off task”. This will make the homework time longer. Help them to see that it is in their best interest to go ahead and get it done!

Should I sit with my child during homework time?
I think it’s fine to do that as long as you are occupied with doing some kind of “homework” of your own. Maybe you’re studying for something yourself or maybe you’re paying bills. Whatever you’re doing, point out that this is your homework, that is their homework and you’re both getting your homework done.

Should I check my child’s homework?
Yes, when they are younger and first developing homework habits. You want to ensure that they are putting the necessary effort into their work. Plus, when they are younger, it doesn’t take much of your time to check it.

Checking your child’s homework gets more complicated as your child gets older. For one thing, the homework itself is more complicated and will take more of your time. For another thing, some children see this as a sign that you don’t trust them, you don’t think they know how to do it, etc. So I suggest spot checking homework. Just check occasionally, or if you check daily, check only one subject. Tell your child that you are interested in what they are learning, not that you are trying to check up on them.

Of course, if your child asks you to check over their homework for some reason, do that!

Should I require my child to redo homework that is incorrect?
Ask your child’s teacher what they would prefer. Some teachers want to see what the child missed so they know how to help. Some teachers don’t mind.

Be prepared for huffing and puffing if you ask your child to redo homework. Don’t overreact – this doesn’t mean that your child is lazy and will end up homeless and jobless some day. It’s human nature: no one wants to go back and redo something they didn’t want to do in the first place! Just explain that careful work and accuracy matter and you want them to learn to do that. You might also explain that everyone asks others for feedback (on their writing, to double-check their math on the restaurant bill tip, etc.), and that mistakes are part of learning.

If you do ask your child to redo, tell them to go back and check (their work on problem #7, their response to question #3, the second paragraph of their writing, whatever) but don’t tell them exactly what is wrong. They will know that something is wrong, but it is still up to them to figure that out.

But what if my child is seriously having difficulty with doing the homework?
As in, it appears to be too difficult for them to complete independently. No one likes to see their child in distress or having trouble with something. This is often when parents swoop in and help the child too much, which can cause the child to develop learned helplessness.

Here’s what to do instead. First, let your child take a break from the homework and do something else that will help calm them down. When they are calm, have a conversation about what is making this difficult. If/when they admit that they don’t know how to do it, tell them that you are going to contact their teacher and see about getting some help with the homework.

One of two things will happen here:

1 – the child will protest contacting the teacher. If this happens, it may mean that your child is “playing” you somewhat. If they see that they get attention and they get out of doing homework if they play the “it’s too hard” card, it’s quite rewarding for them. If this happens, you may need to set up rewards/consequences for getting homework done (or not) and stick to that.

2 – the child will agree that the teacher needs to know that the homework is too hard.

Homework that is too hard could happen for a few reasons. Unfortunately, sometimes homework has been used as a way for kids to learn at home. In my opinion, that is a bad idea. Homework should be used for the practice of skills that students have already been taught and have practiced a good bit at school. That does not necessarily mean that the student is completely “fluent” in the skill yet, though, so sometimes parents may need to provide a brief explanation or demonstration of how to do something.

Another idea is to check youtube for videos with teachers explaining such skills as long division. I hear many parents say that they are concerned about explaining something differently from how the teacher might have taught it, thus confusing their child. Videos can help with this. Simply search “common core” or whatever math program your school is using and see what you find.

I always tell parents to not let homework become a battle. Simply email or text me or jot a note on the homework that the child needs another explanation of the skill. If your child is in fourth grade or above, work on teaching them to self-advocate and to ask the teacher for help themselves. (Yes, I know they don’t know how to do that yet. That’s why you need to teach them how to do it. Role play a conversation between the teacher and the child and teach your child what they need to say to ask for help.)

What if I suspect my child is having difficulty with reading?
Get on top of this one right away. As I mentioned earlier, all students need to leave fifth grade as proficient readers. Your child’s teacher should be doing regular reading skills assessments and regular small group reading sessions. If you are concerned, speak with the teacher first to find out what they are seeing in the classroom. If you would like to see more tips for how to help your child with reading, comment below or send me an email.

LAST TIPS:
*Value effort over avoiding failure. Keep the focus on “what did you learn?”, not “what grade did you get?”

*Keep reinforcing that mistakes are opportunities to learn. Help reinforce the concept of growth mindset, which many schools are using as a focus. Tell them that making mistakes and struggling with a task are actually making their brain grow (not bigger, but stronger).

Here are some helpful videos for kids about brain growth:
You Can Learn Anything
Growth Mindset
Famous Failures
Failures are the Pillars of Success

*Remember the goal in all parenting:

“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings.” ~Ann Landers

Here are some books about parenting that have helped me through the years. Even if you don’t agree with everything in these books, you will find some wisdom to guide you.
And Then I Had Kids: Encouragement for Mothers of Young Children by Susan Alexander Yates
And Then I Had Teenagers: Encouragement for Parents of Teens & Preteens by Susan Alexander Yates
The New Dare to Discipline by James Dobson
The New Strong-Willed Child by James Dobson
The New Six Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children by John Rosemond
John Rosemond’s Fail-Safe Formula for Helping Your Child Succeed in School by John Rosemond
The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed by Jessica Lahey
How Children Succeed by Paul Tough
The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter & How to Make the Most of Them Now

A new book I just got from Amazon and can’t wait to read: How to Raise Successful People: Simple Lessons for Radical Results by Esther Wojcicki.

Here are some helpful resources on homework, specifically:
The Parent Backpack for Kindergarten Through Grade 5: How to Support Your Child’s Education, End Homework Meltdowns, and Build Parent-Teacher Connections by ML Nichols
How to Help Your Child with Homework: The Complete Guide to Encouraging Good Study Habits and Ending the Homework Wars by Jeanne Shay Schumm
Getting Past Procrastination: How to Get Your Kids Organized, Focused, and Motivated…Without Being the Bad Guy by Ann K. Dolin
Smart but Scattered: The Revolutionary “Executive Skills” Approach to Helping Kids Reach Their Potential by Peg Dawson & Richard Guare

I would love to hear your feedback! Comment below or email me at stillteachingstillearning@gmail.com!