Setting boundaries is an important part of self-care for all of us. I recently wrote a post about setting boundaries in your personal life, but how do you set boundaries for yourself when you’re back in school?
A great quote I heard somewhere:
“Teachers are told to take care of themselves, but then told why they can’t.”
It’s up to you to set the boundaries for yourself because your school or district will probably not do it for you. (Side note: there are exceptional principals out there who do help set boundaries for their teachers. I am blessed to work with one myself. My point is that you can’t just count on “the powers that be” to do this for you.)
A key thing to remember is that boundaries are not just a limit and a way to say no. Think about a fence around a playground or around a backyard. Yes, it’s intended to keep critters or other things OUT, but it’s also intended to keep children or pets safe by keeping them INSIDE a safe place.
Think about setting your boundaries in terms of what you are trying to keep “safe” in your own life, whether that’s time for yourself, time for your family, or both.
Here are 8 tips for setting boundaries for yourself at school.
1 – Set a “stop-time”. This stop time should apply to most of your days at school. Days with late meetings or family-teacher conferences are different, of course, but choose a time that you can “stop” most days of the week.
The good thing about doing this is that you will tend to be more productive when you know you have to leave by a certain time. Have you ever noticed that if you have all day to get something done, it will take you all day but that if you only have 20 minutes, you will get it done in 20 minutes? This is the same idea. Get everything done that you can possibly get done in the time when you are at school and then leave at your “stop-time”.
Some tips for doing this:
~Give yourself a five-minute warning before your stop time so that you can wrap up whatever you are working on, clear off your work surface, and pack up to leave school. Set a reminder on your phone if you need to.
~Some teachers like to stick to an early-ish stop time most days but then stay later on one day of the week. This allows them to spend some extra time on tasks that they need to do in their classroom and they save those tasks specifically for that one day. Try it and see if it works for you.
An alternative to this for parents with young children: some teachers like to leave school as soon as possible so that they have more time at home with their own family. But they often spend time working on schoolwork after their children are in bed. Another option is that they may use some weekend time to catch up on schoolwork. Again – try it and see if that works for you.
~Set your specific “work hours” every day (knowing they can be different from day to day). But also set your days/times when you will NOT work.
Some teachers do whatever they need to do during the week, leaving their weekends absolutely free of any school work. Others prefer to work fewer hours during the week but take a little time during the weekend to finish up projects. You may have to experiment and find what works best for you. But here’s the thing: whatever schedule you set for yourself is fine. Ignore what other people are doing, thinking that they must be “better” than you. If you prefer to do school work during the weekend, try not to compare yourself to teachers who do like to use the weekend time. They are not better or harder-working than you. They just prefer a different schedule. Set up a schedule that works best for you. Do not feel guilty!
2 – Try not to check your school email once you leave school. Delete it from your phone if necessary. If your administrative team and your teaching team have your cell phone number, they will contact you if there is some emergency. Otherwise, it can wait until you are at school the next day.
An alternative to this: check school email while at home during the week, but refuse to check it over the weekend. Or set certain weekend hours when you will not check email (4 p.m. on Friday until 4 p.m. on Sunday, for example).
3 – Try to get all (or most) of your assessment work done at school. This can be difficult, but try it out. Here are some tips:
~See if you can do more formative assessments of student work while you are in the classroom with students.
~Have check-in points for pieces of writing or for bigger projects so that you don’t have to grade the whole thing when the student is finished.
~Use online tools like Google forms and Edulastic to do some or most of the grading for you.
4 – Decide what you will do and what you will NOT do. Some things are worth doing and they are worth doing by you. And some things can be done by other people. (And some things don’t really need to be done at all.)
If it’s something you need to or want to create for your class or your team – that is worth doing and it’s worth doing by you.
Changing your wall displays or bulletin boards every two weeks? Maybe that is not worth doing or not worth doing by you. Can you create displays that don’t have to be changed as frequently? Or could you make them easy enough so that your students can help? Could you use assistants or volunteers to do something like that for you?
6 – When it comes to any task you are being asked to do, pay attention to your gut feeling. If something makes you feel angry or resentful or stressed, that is information for you. What can you change about this request or this task to make it work better for you?
Here are some examples:
~If you’re being asked to upload grades to an online platform or a database or spreadsheet and it makes you feel stressed and overwhelmed – can you break it down into smaller chunks to get it done? If you need more time, can you ask for an extension? Is there someone else that could help you do the uploading? (A teacher assistant, a mentor, an instructional coach) Are you feeling overwhelmed because you don’t yet feel comfortable with the technology you’re being asked to use? If so, see if someone (a mentor, a trusted teacher friend) can walk you through how to use the technology.
~If your team is being asked to communicate with parents weekly (or even more frequently) and it makes you feel resentful or stressed – can you take turns creating the communication and sharing it with the team to distribute? Can you break down the task somehow and have everyone do only a part of it?
~If you’re hearing about yet another new initiative your district wants to implement, you are looking at all the dates for all the professional development that will be involved, and it makes you feel angry or resentful – stop and take a deep breath. This is a very common issue in every district and every state, so it’s not just happening at your school or district.
Try to think about what’s good here.
~Is it something that the district is hoping will address an ongoing problem or issue? (Maybe the initiative involves equity or diversity training, which is an area where more learning is always a good thing. Maybe it’s a new literacy initiative, which is intended to help increase reading achievement.)
If that’s the case, focus on these questions:
~What will be good for you to learn from this?
~What are the good things that could result from this training?
These questions may not totally make you feel all Zen about yet another initiative and even more professional development, but they will hopefully help you to look for some positives in the situation.
What about the requests to supervise an after-school event or club, to do small-group tutoring after school, to teach summer school, or other such requests? Pay attention to how you feel. If you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, then you need to say NO. This is a hard one for many teachers. But guess what? They will move on and find someone else who can take on the job. It is absolutely fine for you to say no.
Here are some responses you could say:
“I’m sorry, but I can’t add one more thing right now.”
“I have another meeting/appointment at that time.” (It could be a meeting/appointment with yourself. They don’t have to know that.)
“I won’t have time to do my best work on that right now.”
“I would be interested at another time, but I can’t do that right now.”
“This will take away from my limited family time, so I can’t do that right now.”
7 – This works the other way too. If something makes you feel happy or excited, that is also information for you. Say yes to this request or task!
If your principal asking you to be part of a committee or leadership role and you cannot wait to get started, that is a YES!
If a teacher friend asks you to be part of a small group that meets for Bible study or some kind of socializing and you really want to, that is a YES!
The point is: think about whether this brings you joy or not.
There is an old quote (not sure who to attribute it to) that says: “If it’s not a ‘heck, yes!’, then it’s a NO.” You get to decide whether or not it’s a “heck, yes.”
8 – And finally: remember that self-care is a priority, not a luxury. You are no good for anyone else if you are exhausted, burned out, or if you get sick. Develop some self-care routines that work for you and make them a habit. These do not have to be huge or time-consuming or even cost anything. They just have to fit you and what makes you feel refreshed and energized. Five to ten minutes is all it takes (but feel free to take longer if you can do it!).
Here are a couple of self-care tips to incorporate first:
~Set up a morning routine & evening routine. Again — these do not have to have 15 steps and take hours. Here is my post about setting up a morning routine and my post about evening routines. LINKS & MAYBE REVISE THEM FIRST??
~Even the biggest extroverts need some quiet time every day. Don’t feel guilty for taking that time. For me, it’s when I first get home from school. I don’t want to talk, listen, or take in any kind of verbal input where I have to think or pay attention. Even when I had young children, I found that we all wanted some quiet downtime when we got home every day. This often involved some kind of play (Lego, play-dough, or playing outside) and I was right there to play with them or watch them, but it was still a welcome break.
Set boundaries for yourself. Remember that you are trying to keep the good stuff IN. Let go of the guilt. You are no good for anyone else if you’re not being good to yourself.