Upper elementary students can appear very mature and sophisticated, but – they are still children. And, like most children, they still want the grownups in their lives to be proud of them.
(By the way, if you’re new to upper elementary grades or just want to know what to expect, here are eight generalizations I have found helpful. This is the seventh and final post in a series where I will discuss these eight topics in more depth, along with some tips for addressing upper elementary students’ needs. You can read the first post in the series HERE, the second post HERE, the third post HERE, the fourth post HERE, the fifth post HERE, and the sixth post HERE.)
1 – They want to know the rules and expectations & they expect the teacher to be “the boss.”
2 – They thrive on routine with occasional changes to liven things up – they want you to be predictable, but engaging & fun.
3 – They want to be part of a supportive community. They don’t want to be embarrassed in front of their peers or to feel “stupid”. They worry about bullies.
4 – They want to be more independent & to be asked for their input. They still want to please their teachers (even though some may not show it).
5 – They still love to help and to feel useful.
6 – They want to know their teacher likes them & respects them.
7 – They want to learn more about the world and topics they care about. They question things and want to know the “why.” They are starting to understand different viewpoints besides their own, making for some thoughtful classroom discussions. They still get excited about learning! They will be at very different achievement levels (similar to lower grades), but they are better at hiding their lack of understanding. The curriculum is more difficult, but they can rise to the challenge. Most of them love to work together and find it to be more engaging.
8 – They still want their grownups/families to be proud of them.
In this post, we’ll focus on observation eight. Here are some suggestions for strengthening relationships with your students’ significant grownups.
COMMUNICATING AT THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR
*It’s a good idea to introduce yourself to your students’ families at the beginning of the year. Here are some great examples of introduction letters from We Are Teachers website.
*Speaking of the beginning of the year – try to contact all families with a positive observation to share about their child. Try to do this within the first two weeks of school, if possible.
A phone call or voicemail is fine, but it’s also fine to send an email, a text, or a short, handwritten note. The purpose is to set a positive tone early, before any issues arise. When/if discipline or other issues arise, you will already have credibility with families. Don’t be fake about this, but do look for something good you can say about the student.
Here is a “template” to follow:
I’m _________ and I am _________’s _______ grade teacher. I wanted to tell you that I’m very happy to have ________in my class this year. I can see that ____________ is (name 1-2 positive traits). I’m looking forward to a great year! Please contact me (in whatever ways you prefer) any time. Thank you!
*Invite your students’ families to tell you anything and everything they want to tell you about their child. An easy prompt for this is: “In a million words or less, tell me about your child.” You might give more suggestions such as the following:
~what does your child love to do?
~what does your child really dislike?
~what does your child like/not like about school?
~in what ways would you like to see your child improve this year?
~Communicate your homework plan or policy for the year. Let them know what homework to expect and how long it should take. You might give some tips for what to do if the child is having trouble (how much help to provide, etc.) and when they should contact you about homework. You will probably need to re-share this information throughout the year, especially if the amount of homework changes at any point.
COMMUNICATION WITH FAMILIES THROUGHOUT THE YEAR
*Think about how/when you will contact parents with updates from the classroom. Try to send something weekly or every other week. You could send an email newsletter, a paper newsletter, or use an app. (This website can help you stay up to date with great tech tools.)
What to communicate? Update your families with a brief blurb about what students are learning in class, what units are coming up next, important dates for the class (upcoming tests, field trips, etc.), and important dates for the school (picture day, teacher workdays, etc.).
Something I have done in the past, which was very popular, took a little more time: get three quotes from kids about something going on in class. It could be something about what we’re learning, something we did together, whatever.
If you do this, keep a record of which kids gave a quote so that you can include everyone at least once. Kids love this and families love this. Another positive aspect is that families tend to read the newsletter when students are featured. The only drawback is that it takes a little bit of time to get the quotes.
*Another option is to have your students write a letter (or an email) to families each week or twice a month, updating them on what is going on in school. Create a list of possibilities for topics to share on chart paper and display it when students are writing their letters. The letters don’t have to be long!
Describing what they are learning, what they are excited about, what is still challenging for them, and how they feel like they are doing with academics and behavior/social skills are great topics to share. I’ve never met a family who didn’t love this.
*Give families sufficient heads-up about such things as picture day, what days your class has P.E. (so students can wear appropriate shoes) or library (so students can return books on this day).
If students need to bring something to school that is out of the ordinary (like a plain white t-shirt, a shoebox, whatever), try to give families several days’ notice. (Giving them notice before a weekend, when many families shop, is especially appreciated.)
*Reach out about the little things before they become big things. You don’t need to nag families about every little annoying thing a student does, but if you start noticing a pattern in work habits or behavior, go ahead and let the family know about it.
Reassure them that you are seeking solutions for how to help their child. This goes a long way toward keeping the bigger issues from happening. A message in a parent communication app or an email works fine for this (and provides a paper trail for the communication if that becomes necessary).
*Give families information about the entire class. Your newsletter works fine for this, but if you are comfortable using a social media app, you can share information easily and in real time. If you use Instagram, you may want to make the account private or make sure that students’ families have given permission for photos to be used.
*Let families know about the best ways and times to contact you. Respond within the time frame that your district or school requires. (You might want to let families know about that as well, so that they don’t expect an immediate response.)
*Try to communicate positive information for every student throughout the year. You can send a quick note, text, email, or make a phone call.
Here are some possible ideas for communication:
~improvement you’ve noticed (academic, work habits, or behavior). This is especially good if it follows up on previously-communicated information about a concern.
~compliment something about the student (making a good choice in some way, being a good friend, persevering at a difficult task)
~letting them know about some kind of award or recognition (in your class or in another class)
~letting them know you missed their child when they were absent
~communicating a great job done on a test or assignment
~something cute or funny that the child did or said
*One easy thing that students and families enjoy: buy some plain white address labels. Print positive notes on them such as “did a great job all day long today!,” “was a good citizen/good friend today,” “worked hard at a difficult task,” “showed improvement in reading/math/content area,” etc. Occasionally give students a sticker to display on their shirt before going home that day. Even older students tend to like this recognition.
*Document communication with families. Using a simple spreadsheet with space for students’ names, date, form of contact (phone call, voice mail, email, note home) makes this documentation easy to maintain.
*Give families ideas for talking points with their child. “What did you do at school today?” is almost a guaranteed way to get the response “nothing” from many upper elementary students! Give them ideas for asking specific questions about content you are learning, events at school, etc.
*Another helpful tip – give families ideas for how to help out at home. Ideas that come easily to you might not come as easily to non-educator parents. You could give suggestions for how to help with math problems (using prompts you might use in the classroom), possible games to play to reinforce math facts, questions to ask about reading, etc.
*Invite families into the classroom for special activities. Author shares, presentations, gallery walks, etc. are all great times to include families and make them feel like welcome partners in their child’s education.
*Consider using a take-home folder and explain your process to families.
Here’s an example: on one side of the folder, you might include any graded work or papers that need to be signed or returned to school. On the other side, you might include homework or school flyers.
And remember – train your students to put papers in the appropriate part of their folders. That should be their job, not yours.
*Ask families for help! If you need anything – volunteers, chaperones for field trips, donations of snacks or books or craft supplies or pencils – ask families if they can help volunteer or contribute. (They might not be able to, and that is fine. But asking them helps make them feel more involved in their child’s education.)
Another way to ask for help: if you are having difficulty with a student, let the family know that you would like to hear their suggestions. This helps to get them on your side instead of feeling defensive.
*Consider attending after-school events. If your students are in a church choir or play a sport, see if you can attend one of their performances or games. You don’t even have to stay the whole time! But making an effort to attend shows the student – and their family – that your interest in the child extends beyond your classroom.
WHEN YOU HAVE TO COMMUNICATE BAD NEWS
*It will happen. But the first thing you should always do is start by saying something positive about the child. This helps set a positive tone for the conversation.
Here is a possible script for what to say:
~Hi, ________. This is not an emergency and ______ is fine. [This helps calm any anxiety about an injury or illness.}
~[Start with a compliment.] ______ is doing a great job of _______. OR ______ is really improving at _______. I love _______’s _________ [enthusiasm, energy, smart ideas, etc.]
~But I need to let you know ______________.
~I’m sorry to have to call/email you about this, but I knew you would want to know right away. I know that you expect _______ to do their best/be honest/work hard/be kind or respectful and that this behavior would not be okay with you.
~Is there anything you can suggest that would help me with this issue?
~Thank you for your time and your support.
OTHER HELPFUL POSTS
Here are some of my other posts about communication with families.
12 Things Parents Want Teachers to Know
Planning for Parent-Teacher Conferences
Common Sense Parenting (feel free to share this post with your families so they can hear me give this advice instead of you!)
Common Sense Parenting – Homework Tips! (same with this post!)
I hope this helps you establish positive relationships with your students’ families. We all know that when families are involved in a positive way, students’ behavior and academic success improve greatly.
For my upper elementary veteran readers, what would you add to this list?
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